The Road Less Traveled

Moving forward

2009-01-28T21:50:00.003-05:00

As usual, life has been crazy, but a good kind of crazy. I'm thrilled not to have the same pressure I had last semester with my thesis hanging over my head, and was relieved to get an A on that sucker =) Now its all about work, work, work....but I'm actually enjoying it. The law firm is laid back as always, and although I'm not the biggest fan of the whole being stuck-in-an-office-for-eight-hours-a-day thing, my coworkers keep it interesting and my boss cracks me up on a regular basis. I'm also being given more interesting tasks and learning a bit more, which is always good. To top it off, I've been researching/fact checking for my good friend Simon, a brilliant man in the process of writing a book, and was recently pulled on as his scheduling assistant as well. As most of you know, I'm an organizational nut, and Simon is rather the opposite of that, so it makes me feel great to really be needed and to be working with someone with such an amazing message. His blog can be found here, and I definitely encourage you to check him out. He inspires me on a regular basis and I try to get his ideas out to as many people I know as possible. I'm also excited to be getting him to speak on campus toward the end of March, which should be fantastic!

So besides work, I've been making a serious effort to get my health up to the point I think it should be. Not only do I feel better working out and eating well, but I know this is going to be an integral part of my future. I've made the decision to pursue a position with the UN, particularly UNRWA in Gaza, as much as I possibly can, and with that (and also with my big backpacking trip still coming up) I need to make sure I'm in the best shape possible. Being in shape will only help me have more energy and definitely help me in the field. I really want to get involved in humanitarian work while I can, and am desperate to get to Gaza and help rebuild. I have been following the situation so closely that this feeling grows in me daily and I've been getting a rather big push from my mentor at SHU as well.

In line with my renewed thoughts on my career path has been my stagnant dating life....which I have purposely done. 1) I don't have time 2) I don't have the energy 3) Most of the men I meet don't deserve the time of day or can't handle my drive and 4) Why bother when I'm probably off somewhere crazy soon anyway? I don't want ANYTHING holding me back from doing this now while I'm young and have no obligations or serious attachments. The time for me to go off and explore and be adventurous and help people in a humanitarian capacity on the ground is now, and I can't let anything stop me....including some silly boy.

I'm almost desperate for the opportunity to get back to the Middle East and do some serious work. I get this surge of excitement everytime I even think of it and am overcome by this incredible and satisfying feeling. Now I just need to get there. So, insha'allah, I can figure out the best way to get in and do something worthwhile, and learn more Arabic. From there its either grad school or a similar position on a different level. I just need to keep taking steps forward and get the process moving so that this dream becomes a reality. Luckily, I have some incredible resources as my fingertips. Here goes nothing....

Two roads....and I have no idea.....

2009-01-13T21:29:00.003-05:00

I'm struggling right now. I'm absolutely torn. I have been saying all I wanted to do after graduation was humanitarian work, and I've felt that pull now more than ever before with everything going on in Gaza. Seeing the horrifying images come up on my screen daily has brought me to tears and made me think of the little children who followed us around Dheisheh refugee camp in the West Bank in November 07. Kids just like them are dying every day as my tax dollars drop on Gaza and fly from guns on the shoulders of more kids....yes, the IDF is mostly children....most of them are barely 18 for God's sake!

So all I can think about is going back. Back to the Middle East. To help. In any way. Then I have the pull. To what I keep calling "the dark side" or the opportunity to "sell my soul." I mean, it is by no means that dramatic, but my resume has been passed along to a big company, and there's an interest. God only knows if that means I even have a shot in hell at a position, but still, its on my mind. Do I go and work for "the man"....in the energy field? It could be rather lucrative and could be rewarding in a different way and could even give me some amazing opportunities, but which direction should I be going?

My mom, the voice of reason as always, keeps telling me to just see what happens, since I really know nothing yet, but I can't help but to think. This is me we're talking about here....Miss Over-Analyze Everything. Where do you find the balance? How do you know what path to take when you're seriously torn? I honestly hope that somehow fate steps in and takes control because if given the choice, I know I'm going to find it difficult coming right out of college with nothing.

Gazan heartbreak continues

2008-12-29T22:34:00.004-05:00

I got a call this evening after I got home from work from a very much voiceless Abraham, the owner of the Middle Eastern restaurant around the corner from me. I met him over the summer and we instantly struck up a conversation about the Middle East and Palestine since he's Palestinian. Since then, he has taken me under his wing, always providing me with wonderful food, and great conversation and recently I also met his lovely son. They are just genuinely good people. A wonderful family.

Apparently Abraham's son had seen me at the rally (which they had both attended as well) and he wanted to thank me for supporting the cause. So I ran over to Ali Baba's and was greeted with a big hug and smiles. He was so proud of me for coming to the rally yesterday, and it felt great that my presence mattered to someone. We of course, continued to talk about the conflict and how heartbreaking it all is, and how Americans just don't seem to understand what is really going on. His wife and daughter are over there right now (not in Gaza thank God) and he's going to meet them in a week. He keeps telling me how he doesn't know how he'll face the Israelis when he lands in Tel Aviv, and quite honestly, I don't know if I could right now either. Although, truth be told, I'm finding it hard to stomach American complacency as well.

What's going on in Gaza horrifies me more and more every day and depresses me to no end because I feel completely helpless. My tax dollars continue to rain down on Gaza and innocent people continue to die and be injured and there aren't enough voices in the governments to make it stop. I, by no means, condone what Hamas has been doing and believe they have contributed to making the situation worse for the Gazans, but Israel's response is so unbelieveably disproportionate its disgusting. Dropping 100 tons of bombs on a 225 sq mile area of 1.5 million people (the most densely populated place on the planet) and claiming they're being strategic is ludacris. There is no possible way to be strategic given those circumstances, and they claim Hamas is hiding behind innocents, but really, there is nowhere else for them to go! There are so many lies in the reporting and I'm slowly finding out why....the press is being barred from Gaza. It just makes me wonder what they're really trying to do. Is this the ultra Zionists attempt at taking Gaza completely? Is this an ethnic cleansing? A genocide? I see it all slowly undfolding and those are the questions that come straight into my mind.

And as I continue to watch the heartbreaking images come up on my screan and read the words of those who are facing this head on, pieces of me slowly die, and I wonder what has happened to humanity. I don't think we could or maybe even should all be holding hands and singing Kumbaya, but I do think that if we would all stop for a moment, and remember that the people standing next to us are human beings too. That they have families and friends and loved ones and hearts and brains and lives and futures too, then maybe, just maybe things could calm down....even just a little.

I exercised my First Amendment rights today!

2008-12-28T19:43:00.012-05:00

Today, I participated in the first protest I've ever been to and I could not be more proud of myself and the 1000+ people who were alongside me. **edit: we were 3000 strong today according to the news** We were rallying for human rights. For the humane treatment of the Palestinians. For the bombs to stop falling on Gaza. For peace. For freedom. For solidarity behind a worthy cause. I was blown away, by the way people came together. It was, of course, mostly Arabs and Muslims, but then there were the rest of us, the Americans, the Jews, the Christians.....we all rallied together to stop the violence. To stop the bloodshed. I couldn't help, but to think that we won't have much of an effect on the overall conflict, but by marching down 5th Avenue screaming "While you're shopping, bombs are dropping!!" we got people's attention. They paid attention and they stopped and they may have thought, even for just a second, about what's going on, and to me, that is an enormous victory.

A little boy at the protest

Me chanting "Free free Palestine!"

Probably my favorite moment of the day was when I saw this man and the other Jews with him. This is NOT a religious conflict. This is about politics and humanity and human rights. Solidarity.

More pictures can be found here

"Palestine, Palestine, always on my mind...."

2008-12-27T11:47:00.005-05:00

I am absolutely dying inside and I have no other appropriate outlet so here goes nothing....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7800985.stm

Today, Israel massively bombed the Gaza Strip. Just days after re-opening the border and giving the Gazans false hope that things might be ok. Hamas did continue rocket attacks, and for that, they should be condemned. This time they even killed two Palestinians. But retaliating with massive airstrikes will only embolden them and give credence to their cause. 1.5 million people....ONE POINT FIVE MILLION PEOPLE are starving and slowly dying as they have been cut off from the world, living in the most densely populated area on the planet, in conditions every humanitarian organization has said are utterly unbearable. When you do this to an entire population, they will find a way to fight back, and Gaza turned to Hamas and rockets.

For Israel to think that it is acceptable to bomb Gaza in the manner they are, going after "strategic" targets is insanity. There is nothing "strategic" about it. These people live on top of each other, and every "strategic" target is in the midst of the civilian population. The U.S. is calling on Israel to "minimize civilian casualties as it pursues Hamas" but they can't. It is impossible and the results are horrifying. Refugee camps being bombed....REFUGEE CAMPS....people who were ALREADY displaced and being further displaced. Children are heart. Women are dying. The pictures on the ground tell the truth and the voices of those suffering cannot go unheard this time. I would not, in the least, be surprised to see a Third Intafada erupt out of this, or even worse, retaliation by the Arab states. This is the WORST thing Israel could have done for the peace process because just like so many of the innocent men, women, and children of Gaza, Israel has killed it.

Palestine
The Sound of Reason

Close my eyes tonight
My conscience by my side
It’s hard to live this life
Where truth begins with lies

So I won’t sleep… I will stay awake
Cause if I dream… they will/then they’ll take their claim
Oh I try… oh I try to fight
To stay awake tonight
Palestine, Palestine, Palestine… always on my mind

Truth is where desire ends
A meaning to an end
I search myself all the time
To change what’s in my mind

So I won’t sleep… I will stay awake
Cause if I dream… they will/then they’ll take their claim
Oh I try… oh I try to fight
To stay awake tonight
Palestine, Palestine, Palestine… always on my mind

I can’t find peace cause it’s hard to release what we’ve done
What we could be if we’d only see what we’ve become
It’s unbelievable it’s undeniable ohhhh!
I want free, won’t sleep, won’t dream, won’t eat, won’t breathe
Won’t give in to what’s building inside of me

(Guitar solo)

Close my eyes tonight
My conscience by my side

Minds Awake

2008-12-20T09:35:00.003-05:00

I'm on a slight blogging frenzy and I think its because I have no clue what to do with myself now that I don't have to worry about papers and exams and everything school related. I should probably be applying for jobs, but my thought right now is what's the point? There's not much out there to begin with and I can't take anything until May, so I'm going to be putting it off a bit longer. I should also be getting my finances in order since I've accrued a pile of paid bills, paycheck stubs, and bank statements in a drawer, which have been completely ignored and are horribly disorganized. At least I know I'm not broke, in debt, or anything like that. =)

Today I think my plan is to take "work" ie Simon's book, which I'm fact-checking, and sit at Starbucks or something and read for awhile. Either that or I'll do my own pleasure reading, which would begin to put a dent in the pile of books I've got as well. Either way, my brain needs to function because right now it feels like a pile of mashed potatoes. Hi, my name is Julia Hurley and I am an overachiever. I feel like I belong in AA for college students/overachievers. I check my grades daily waiting for something more and so far, nada. I did, of course, get my A in Politics of Terror in the Middle East with Ambassador Hassan, but that was kind of a given, especially since I got a 99/100 on my paper on the changing dynamic of Hezbollah, with the comment "An excellent analysis. You have got the parameters exactly right! I hope the Obama administration employs you!" .....oh wishful thinking.....

So, here I sit, slowly getting myself ready after waking up at 7:30 am on a Saturday over my break, and eventually, I'll decide to be uber productive. I'm hoping to go out in the city tonight too since Zach is back in town and so is Miles.....they did this to me last weekend too, but unfortunately all I was doing was my thesis, so this weekend, its time for some fun. I've also had another dude bite the dust in his own flakey way (what else is new?), so I want to be my old flirtacious self again (without being stressed about school) and bring my spirits up a tad. The funny thing is, with that, I don't want to be tied down right now, I know my life is too chaotic for that....but it still kinda irks me when some guy I've been semi-interested in just stops calling or whatever. As a girl, I still kinda question what I did wrong and whether or not I'm actually going to find someone worth my time and effort. I guess I will eventually. Until then....fun!!

And I guess das ist alles.....not much else to say....I may throw some political commentary up here shortly, but until then, how about my favorite video floating on youtube these days....

P.S. The blog title was brought to you by the song in that video, but with lyrics Rumspringa - Minds Awake....fantabulous :)

The masterpiece of my college career

2008-12-15T11:44:00.003-05:00

As I felt the warm breeze blow through my hair walking across campus today, I took a deep breath in, and knew all was right in my life. I felt at peace for the first time in months, and I FINALLY feel like I'm accomplishing the most important thing in my life. It has me so happy that I'm choking up when I think about it. I'm graduating from college in just five months, and I will be graduating with honors. I can't believe what I've accomplished and all I've struggled through to get to this point, nor can I believe all the incredible things I've managed to do as well. I traveled abroad, I met incredible people, I had jobs that meant something, and I found myself in the process.

I think the sense of accomplishment is palpable right now because I just turned in my culminating work. My thesis. The 32 pages and 10,000 words (exactly!) that prove all I have learned and all that I will do with my knowledge. I did it.

To steal some words of wisdom from my good friend Simon, who is probably one of the people I look up to the most in my life, I have found my Why. I found my purpose, my true belief set, through all I have done up to this point, and now I'm about to chase after it. I'm going to put my networking skills to the true test and hopefully come up with a job in the next few months that will springboard me into REAL action. I embody all I believe in, and now its just a matter of finding the outlet that will make me a comfortable life and position me to do what I love. I can't wait to change the world.

The last semester of the beginning of my life

2008-11-11T23:42:00.003-05:00

I seem to struggle more and more every day with what I truly want out of life. The ultimate goals have always been the same, but my means of getting there change with my mood....which changes a little too often for my own good. I think this semester has challenged me in ways I didn't think were possible. I've been through a lot in my life, but for some reason, no matter how difficult it got, my future was always certain, and it kept me going. For the first time, though, I was faced with the real truth....my future was by no means certain...and nothing would be guaranteed. I think when you finally see the reality of your schooling coming to an end and responsibilities and obligations being placed upon you that you never thought would actually be here, all you want to do is wave the white flag and retreat in horror at what lies ahead.

I have never been average or normal. I have always taken the road less traveled (hence the blog title), and I think that has left me in an even more unsure, frightening (for lack of a better term) position because the world truly is my oyster. I have more options than imaginable at my fingertips, but it becomes a matter of which I'm going to really strive for and chase after without looking back because those are the options that will set the beginning of my journey. I always thought college was the end of the road, when in fact, it is only the beginning. I'm registering for my last semester of classes in about 12 minutes and I can't help but wonder where I'm going and what has come before this moment will mean. How will I feel when I walk across the stage and take that diploma in my hand and walk, head held high, into my future? How will I feel when I board the plane in May bound for Istanbul and determined to make my way to Cairo by land to fly back home? How will I feel at my first REAL job interview? How will I feel when I get that job? Or when I've met "the one"? Or when I get married? Or buy a house? Or get my first promotion? Or have children?

Everyone continuously reminds me "you're still young!!" Well, of course I am. I have yet to reach a quarter of a century, but I am still, as I always have been, very much aware of my next steps. I used to have a 10 year plan, which I whittled down to a five year plan, and now, its barely a 12 month plan. Its scary. I think the only thing I truly know for certain is that no matter what I do, I will have been true to myself and my values and beliefs. I will be making my family proud. I will have my grandparents smiling down on me. I will help people. And most importantly, to me, for my own peace of mind and heart....I will change the world....even in some small way.

Perspectives

2008-06-22T17:27:00.004-05:00

I have an obsession with books.....a love that I really think grew even deeper while I was in Cairo because it was my escape when I needed a break, particularly from studying Arabic as that was all I did 20 hours a week. But really it has been a love I've had for a very long time, and a love that I definitely think goes back to my Pop-pop who used to read to me constantly. As a kid, I would go over to Nana and Pop-pop's house and the first thing I would do after bursting in the door, was run into my uncles' old bedroom, throw open the doors to the shelving with all of my books and toys, grab a stack of books, and run and jump onto Pop-pop's lap (typically waking him up in his blue and white checkered chair after he'd fallen asleep watching golf). I would sit and read with him for what seemed like hours and get completely lost in the stories. I loved it. As further proof, one of the best pictures I have of me as a kid (besides the one where I'm in my dad's giant SCUBA t-shirt crying because I'd just smacked myself in the face with my hair tie) is one of me on Pop-pop's lap, finger in mouth, passed out as he's still reading my dinosaur book.....I was maybe three.

This love of books has turned into a serious habit as I've turned toward more intense books, straying from the fairy tales of my childhood, and the romance novels of my teens, to books on history and culture and of course the Middle East. A few months ago, however, I saw a report on Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon who was dying of pancreatic cancer. The report absolutely moved me, brought me to tears within minutes, and had me absolutely determined to get his book as soon as it came out. Of course, the day I went to buy it, it was sold out and back ordered everywhere, but I finally got my hands on a copy yesterday. I started reading it, and just as the report on his life, the book brought me to tears within the first 20 pages. I'm not even halfway through it, but it is a book that I know will effect me and has already got me thinking about life and everything else.

I shared the memory of my Pop-pop and books because its something so important to me, so key to who I am. It was an integral part of my childhood that shaped me today and its funny how I sometimes forget those little stories that really do make me smile, and at times, shed a tear or two. I've been very blessed to have such an amazing family, despite some of our downfalls, and this book has had me thinking about that a little bit more than usual. The short chapter on Randy's father, in particular, hit me a little hard and had me reaching for tissues, because it reminded me a lot of my dad and how much he's had an impact on me, especially within the last 5 or 10 years. My mom is the rock to lean on, the never ending support, and best friend, but it is my dad who has instilled in me so much of my future aspirations and he was the one who seemed less shocked than Mom when I announced my real plans for the next 5 years last weekend. I was and always will be a Daddy's girl, and as a result of this, and Dad's placid nature in general, ever understanding, my dad always was the one pushing me the most to really go after all of my dreams and aspirations. In this sense, I've been really lucky to have the parents I do, but even luckier to have my dad who, ever since I could remember, was discussing politics, and history, and the world with me, and who probably is the reason I've gotten involved in all I have at this point. My dad sparked the interest, and my mom just helped push me along and keep me together when I really thought the bottom had fallen out.

In his book, Randy also talks about childhood dreams, as they are pretty much the focus of his entire lecture, and that also got me thinking, particularly after mulling over how much my family has pushed me to excel in everything I've done. I always had grandiose dreams, and even though I know my parents thought I was insane at times for some of them (i.e. Cairo and the Middle East), they never wavered in their support, which I think has been crucial in getting this far. Its funny though, what we become and what we always thought we'd be as children. I can remember the phases.....
After taking ballet for years, I was determined to become a ballerina, only to have the dream squashed by an overzealous teacher who loved my skills but reminded me my body wasn't quite going to cut it.
Then there was the famous singer/songwriter phase, which if nothing else, at least made my mom smile one Christmas when I decided to write her a song for a gift instead of buying her something. Pretty cheesy, I know, but it worked =)
There was also the international businesswoman phase when all I wanted to do was earn millions and take over the world.....which developed into the politician phase.....the diplomat phase.....and finally the humanitarian phase.

But these were all things I wanted to be and only half of my dreams.....I always dreamed of traveling the world, and seeing all of the "cool" places, especially after my first international trip at 14. I always dreamed of being famous, as all children do, and that hasn't changed, except for my idea of fame. I always dreamed about the simple things in life too.....having a family someday, the white picket fence and the cute little house.....the "American Dream" per say.....and although the family thing is still key, once again, my idea of the "American Dream" has definitely shifted. I do believe, though that all of my dreams really have remained the same, and amazingly, even though I may not be able to be a ballerina, or a singer, or a politician, everything else is finally within reach, and somehow that is a really incredible feeling. I have one more year left of college and I'm reaching my true childhood dreams or can see them developing within the near future.

I guess it all just had me thinking about where a lot of these dreams began, and even though they became my dreams, they were always the hopes and dreams of my parents and my grandparents too. The people who shaped my life the most, helped instill some of the most spectacular dreams in me. My parents are still my cheerleaders, as was evidenced last week when I got excited about being "cited" in a small book an NGO I interned with published, and my dad's response was beyond enthralled, with of course a comical little quip, "now where are the royalties??" and of course my mom's was similar. It is funny how they get more excited for me now than even I do. And even though Nana and Pop-pop are no longer here, and despite my questionable faith, I still like to think they're looking down on me and are proud of where I've gotten and where I'm going. The funny thing is, all the fame and glory I envisioned as a kid had to do with the world recognizing my name for something incredible, but now the dreams of fame and glory begin with the affirmation of my family and friends that they think what I'm doing is worthwhile, and that is what makes all the difference.

Open your eyes

2008-06-19T09:52:00.004-05:00

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2008/06/obama-muslim.html

My two cents need to come in here because I was appalled by this article. Not Obama, but the fact that this had to happen at all. I think it is utterly ridiculous that Americans in general are so afraid of Islam and so ignorant of the Muslim culture that a volunteer on the Obama campaign would think it could even become an issue that these women would be behind him. It honestly isn't Obama or his campaign, but the American public and the media which has allowed this to happen. If Americans and the media would try to open up a better understanding of other cultures instead of criticizing politicians, this wouldn't be an issue! Everyone gave Clinton so much crap when her campaign made a big deal of Obama dressed in traditional African dress and now people made a big deal of women wearing hijab at an Obama rally. It's clothing!!! The hijab is about modesty not terrorism!!

It honestly furthers my argument that Americans need to be better educated about different cultures and other parts of the world as we're much more globalized and our country is becoming more and more culturally divided due to our naivety, which is unacceptable in a country, which is supposed to be a melting pot for cultures. There needs to be a push for better education of different cultures, particularly those we seem to fear the most for unwarranted reasons, at a young age. I also have come to the conclusion that study abroad should be a mandatory part of the college curriculum and made much more affordable to students. To immerse someone in a culture is the best way to give them an understanding of it and to open their eyes to the world around them. That was something that began for me with an exchange program to Germany when I was 14, and for the first time in my life I realized there was a whole wonderful world outside of the confines of America.

Basically this is outrageous and its going to take the American public opening their eyes and showing politicians that things like that aren't important to us before it will change. We need to stop judging people and politicians based on their looks, or their dress, or their religion. We're supposed to be a free and accepting country and every single day we drift further and further from that ideal.

Travel bug anyone?

2008-06-16T20:10:00.003-05:00

And I've disappeared yet again with not much to report on. My life here is somewhat boring as I've said a number of times now, but I'm doing what I can to make it interesting and keep myself focused on the next couple of years. With that being said, I think I nearly killed my parents this weekend when I decided to tell them what I REALLY want to do post-graduation.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and have decided that if I can manage it, I want to basically book a one way flight to Indonesia or somewhere in South East Asia and make my way up from there through Laos, Burma, India, Pakistan, Iran, Turkey, down into Syria ( to name a few) and then either settling out there or continuing on to Palestine where I'll study Arabic and hopefully teach English or something to make a living. This is a really loose idea in my head right now and I've been talking to a number of well traveled friends who have said they'd help plan it out, but I think the real challenge will 1) be amassing the funds 2) finding people who want to join me. The latter definitely being easier given my wonderful group of friends and acquaintances. I will be here for a little while after graduation....until December of 2009 at least, and saving money and trying to finish planning this out without having school looming over my head. I really want to make this a rustic journey (nitty gritty backpacking.....hostels....serious travel....which I'm prepping for already by trying to get into better shape) and truly get to the heart of the cultures of the places I'll be seeing by making myself as un-touristy as possible. If I have the time I'd love to spend as much time as possible and stay as far away from tourist traps as possible since I've come to find, that's how you really gain a worthwhile understanding of a culture and a people.

I know half of you are shaking your heads thinking I'm out of my mind, but that wouldn't be a first. I figured this is my chance to do this.....to really live life and make the most of every opportunity. Ideally, I'd find something that would pay me to do this, but that's of course, the Holy Grail of careers and not something I think I'll find with a Bachelors degree straight out of the college factory. I know that if nothing else, my plan to settle out in the Middle East and study Arabic and teach English or work with refugees, if I can find the job, is definitely the most solid part of my plan. Its what I want to do before I am forced to sell my soul to The Man and actually support a family someday. But really, I want to do something for the greater good and I want to gain the experience that could put me in a position to really affect change within our government someday. Maybe if I get right down in the middle of it all, someone will take me seriously enough to change the downward spiral we call a foreign policy currently in place. I just know I'm destined for something bigger than this and I know its going to begin with real travel. I have a love of cultures I want to expand and I have an appreciation for people that I think needs to be brought back here and shared with all Americans, particularly our government, which never seems to take them into account. So that's it....the grand plan.....inshallah it will turn into reality....

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Anyway, on a side note, I was in the city this weekend and checked out the Iraqi art exhibition at the Pomegranate Gallery that was covered on the BBC last week and let me say....it was amazing! (And that's something coming from one who hates modern art!!) I was moved by the sheer emotion in the pieces, particularly the central piece which was a rendering of the fall of Saddam's statue in Baghdad. I can't entirely describe it and I honestly am still pondering certain aspects of it like the Arabic letter "qaf" which was on it in two different places as well as a couple of other letters, which were unconnected, thus not forming a word. It was fascinating though and very different from what I expected, particularly one piece which depicted a naked woman with a bleeding gash behind her...the naked woman being very passe in the culture and religion. It was really moving....especially for anyone who has followed the War closely. (And this is how I survive my stateside boredom)

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And on a final tangent.....I needed to share this quote from one of the last pages of a biography I read on Gertrude Bell because it totally struck me and I think somehow explains me in a way.....at least the first part.....the second could only be judged by those who know me.....

"In truth, the real basis of Gertrude's nature was her capacity for deep emotion. Great joys came into her life, and also great sorrows. How could it be otherwise, with a temperament so avid of experience? Her ardent and magnetic personality drew the lives of others into hers as she passed along." ~ Florence Bell

Two roads diverged in a wood....

2008-05-22T18:30:00.004-05:00

I had an odd conversation with an old friend last night, who probably knows me better than anyone else. We were having one of our late night chats where I'm barely awake and talking half nonsense. I was telling him how much I missed the Middle East (something I think all those who know me are sick to death of hearing) and he said to me, "At least you have good memories of it. Mine revolve around me being shot at." (He's a Marine who served in Iraq) And the irony was what came out of my mouth and what I was thinking "I'd rather be over there being shot at than here." He of course understood what I meant and then I reminded myself of the fact that I was about to drop $3k to go to Iraq while I was over there....a true testament to my insanity.

But I think that statement about sums up how sick I am of being home and how much I absolutely LOATHE the whole idea of a 9-5. Don't get me wrong, I love my bosses and the people I work with at the law firm, but nine to five will never be me. I just can't do it and what makes it worse is that I feel as though I've sold my soul to the devil....I've become part of the man....the working mass.....and its awful. I don't know how people do it, but I guess its necessary and not quite so awful to many.

*****A break to tear up as I watch a quick thing on Cairo on the Travel Channel*****

And I'm back....I could practically smell the Khan as they went through it....*sigh*

As I was saying....9 to 5.....not me.....definitely not. Which leaves me with the question of what to do next. I keep saying that I'm moving to the Middle East and I'm going to study Arabic, but then what? I could see myself doing humanitarian work or something like that over there.....so long as I'm not stuck in an office =) My mom has suggested becoming a journalist or writing a travel guide or something, but I don't know if I would actually be successful at it. If I got into that I would want to take a different spin on my writing......the journalism aspect would be easy in idea so long as I could get involved in serious reporting, but if I were to become a travel writer I would have to be a little out there.....take people to the places only wack jobs like me want to go....the dangerous, the unusual, the real nitty gritty of the rest of the world....the things Americans NEED to see.

Really, I have no idea, and its something that's been weighing on my mind a lot as of late....or should I say, as usual. We all know I'm always focused on what's next, but I can't help it. And making me think even more lately is the fact that I'm a year away from freedom from academics and then of course all of my summer reading which just gets my mind going here.

Anyway, my blogs are getting boring once again, but I guess that's what happens when you're stuck in the States. Besides soaring gas prices and rude people I have to deal with on my commute, nothing worth writing about is going on.

La-di-da-di-di....

2008-05-17T07:29:00.002-05:00

Apparently I owe the world a blog, but the sad thing is, I really have nothing exciting to update and I don't feel like going into political discourse at 8:30 on a Saturday morning either, despite just doing my news/blog catch-up for the week since work prevented that this week. So, what to talk about?

I guess, of course, the biggest news is that I'm all moved into my new place in Hoboken. Things were fabulous until of course, I decided to try to figure out how to legally park my car here. It now seems this is impossible without switching over my registration and then my insurance, causing that to skyrocket, and me to want to die as I watch my savings go out the window. As a result, I'm in a jam and trying to figure out what to do....or basically what my cheapest option is. (My thought process right now is....how about I move back to the Middle East 2 years early and save lots of money??) I'm thinking that at this point, it would be most economical all around to give my car back to my parents and jump the train up to their house when I need it. Otherwise, parking down here in a garage will cost over $200 a month and gas is only going to rape my wallet further.

Anyway, aside from that, nothing new and exciting is going on. I'm working full time and enjoying it, but also finding out 9-5 is NOT for me. I get SO bored and I don't feel like I'm doing anything worth while really. I want to be out there doing something positive for the world ya know? Its odd because I find myself sitting at my desk now and then dreaming about being overseas and working in a refugee camp or something. I think the fantasies have been aided by my current read.....a biography on Gertrude Bell.....let me tell you.....I want to be her and I already am SO much like her. It kinda freaks me out at times, but I connect with her so well. She was essentially an adventurer of the Victorian Era who traveled the world, but fell in love with the Middle East and the Arabs (particularly the Bedouin....my favorite people!) and because of her great knowledge of the region and the people, eventually influenced British foreign policy and helped to shape the Middle East.....although we all know the British didn't do a very good job....she was one of the few voices trying to truly give the Arabs all they deserved and map the Middle East correctly. Maybe I'll be the Gertrude Bell of modern day America someday =)

Everyone's afraid of bad press

2008-05-01T12:36:00.003-05:00

I have no real time to comment on this with finals owning my life at the moment, but this just about killed me this morning.

http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/16EA2FB8-35AC-4A0C-969A-CF74AF0CED41.htm

I cannot believe for the life of me that they are seriously trying to turn the deaths of 4 children and their mother by a missile around and blame it on a Palestinian militant. I wish I were there to pick up the pieces of the American made missile myself and prove them wrong. Disgusting.....

Sleepless night

2008-04-23T23:05:00.003-05:00

Its 12 am and I have to be up in 6 1/2 hours, but instead I find myself struggling for the second time this week. I'm struggling because I miss Cairo. I miss the Middle East. I miss my second home. I miss everything about it. The sights, the smells, the sounds, the adventure.....everything. It literally tears me apart sometimes, and for the second time in a week I find myself in tears just dying to go back.

I had the same problem on Tuesday, but it was different. I found myself sad from the moment I woke up. On the verge of tears for most of the morning especially as my Egypt playlist played through on my iPod. I could remember walking down the street from the Mohammad Mahmoud Gate of AUC or through the tree and embassy lined roads of Zamalek to my fruit guy. I think I'd been dreaming about it and to wake up and realize I wasn't there was actually painful. Tonight, the weather has been a big part of it.....today was just like it was in Cairo.....and then I was watching this thing on the news about a marathon in Morocco and the desert just drew me back.

I know to most I probably sound utterly insane, but the funny thing is, my friends from Cairo get it. They totally understand every feeling, every tear, every moment of missing a place you learn to hold so dear. To describe Cairo or the Middle East to an average person would probably never make them want to set foot over there, but to experience it and to live it changes that perspective entirely. How do you explain to someone how you come to love the beeping of the taxis? Or the random people who remember you from weeks earlier? Or the hospitality in the Old City of Jerusalem? Or laughing at the security forces as you line up to caravan through the desert? How do you explain to someone how such experiences shaped you when you have trouble understanding it yourself? Walking through a Palestinian refugee camp......getting lost in the Old City of Jerusalem.....walking in the footsteps of Pharaohs and seeing the ancient ruins of Karnak or Luxor Temple.....sailing down the Nile while sunbathing.....climbing Mt. Sinai in the middle of the night to watch the sunrise.....scaling a mountain to get a better view of Petra.....chit-chatting with Bedouin along the way......

Is it ever possible for people to truly understand that? How you come to live for the adventure and find a completely foreign city to come to feel like home?

It truly is indescribable. I miss home.

Wahashtiny....

And this is why I've come to love Jimmy Carter

2008-04-21T12:16:00.001-05:00

Carter: Include Hamas in peace bid

Carter said peace efforts had 'regressed' since the US-hosted Annapolis conference

Jimmy Carter, the former US president, has called for Hamas to be included in peace negotiations, saying they are willing to "live as a neighbour next door in peace" with Israel if Palestinians approve a deal.

Carter said on Monday that Hamas leaders told him they would accept a negotiated peace agreement, if voted for by the Palestinian people.

His comments, delivered in an address to the Israel Council on Foreign Relations and a subsequent news conference at the King David Hotel in West Jerusalem, came after he met several Hamas leaders, including Khaled Meshaal, the group's exiled political bureau chief, in Syria last week.

Carter said Hamas leaders had told him they would accept a peace agreement negotiated by Mahmoud Abbas, the Palestinian president whose Fatah faction controls the West Bank, if Palestinians approved the deal in a vote.

Peacemaking

"They said they would accept a Palestinian state on the 1967 borders if approved by Palestinians ... even though Hamas might disagree with some terms of the agreement," Carter said.

"It means that Hamas will not undermine Abbas' efforts to negotiate an agreement and Hamas will accept an agreement if the Palestinians support it in a free vote."

Carter, who has angered Israel by meeting Hamas, also said the peace efforts had "regressed" since a US-hosted conference in Annapolis, Maryland, in November.

"The problem is not that I met with Hamas in Syria," he said.

"The problem is that Israel and the United States refuse to meet with someone who must be involved."

In his speech, Carter reiterated that he has no mandate to secure a peace deal between Israel and the Palestinians.

Speaking of the captured Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit, who was seized by Hamas in a cross-border raid in June 2006, Carter said he was disappointed that his proposal to Hamas to release Shalit had been rejected.

But Carter said that he understood the Palestinian group could not free the Israeli soldier outside of a prisoner exchange with Israel.

'Side by side'

Speaking to Al Jazeera after the news conference, Carter reiterated that he believed Hamas would accept the existence of Israel if the Palestinian population voted to accept it.

"There has been a lot of conflicting statements about this issue. But from what I understood, and announced, if Abbas and [Ehud] Olmert [the Israeli prime minister] agree to a peace deal, that would ultimately allow the two states to live side by side. Hamas was asked whether they would accept the decision - they said yes."

Carter also said the "deplorable" situation in the Gaza Strip made establishing a peace deal more urgent.

"A resolution needs to be made, as people [in Gaza] are continuing to suffer. I believe however, a greater, and more effective American role is needed here - going beyond the commitments made by the Bush administration to reach a peace agreement."

Engaging Hamas

Amani Soliman, Al Jazeera's Middle East analyst, said Carter's attempt to engage Hamas was a major breakthrough.

"What he has done was a long time coming, considering that Hamas needed to be involved in the peace process," she said.

"Despite the engagement with Abbas, Tzipi Livni [the Israeli foreign minister], and other Fatah negotiators, Carter is adamant that Hamas be included in the equation – which can be viewed as a breakthrough for a Western diplomat to take this route."

Al Jazeera's Jacky Rowland, reporting from Gaza, said that Hamas' willingness to continue to secure a peace deal, implicitly reflects the group's recognition of the state of Israel.

"This effectively pulls the rug from under Israel, as they have constantly maintained that the reason they will continue isolating Hamas is because they will no recognise their state. The ball is now in Israel's court."

'Breaking the ice'

Al Jazeera's Mike Hanna, reporting from Damascus, said that Hamas had expressed willingness to go along with Carter's proposals.

"However, also from the Hamas side, the point being made that something must come in return," Hanna said.

"What Jimmy Carter is trying to do is to break the ice - trying to get some sort of momentum going in a situation that has been utterly static."

Hamas officials said they talked to Carter about an internationally backed Israeli embargo on Gaza and a possible Israel-Hamas prisoner swap.

But Hamas did not respond to Carter's requests that it halt rocket fire on Israeli border towns and agree to talk to Eli Yishak, the Israeli deputy prime minister, about a prisoner exchange.

Over the weekend, Israel killed seven Hamas fighters in a series of air strikes after the group detonated two jeeps packed with explosives at an Israeli crossing on the Gaza border.

Israel and the US, which both consider Hamas a terrorist group, have criticised Carter's efforts to broker negotiations.

So sad

2008-04-17T11:57:00.001-05:00

I'll post my comments later, but this nearly had me in tears at work....

Gaza hospital hit in crossfire

Wednesday was the deadliest day in Gaza for more than a month. More than 20 people were killed, including five children in an Israeli air strike and, earlier in the day, three Israeli soldiers in an apparent Hamas ambush near the Nahal Oz border terminal, east of Gaza City.

Gaza's El Wafa hospital, which is about 7km from the terminal and 1km from the Israeli border, received several direct hits in the crossfire, the hospital's medical director, Dr Khamis Elessi, told the BBC.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I heard overnight that El Wafa hospital had been hit, but we had to wait until the Israelis had pulled back before we could go in, at about 6am.

Dr Elessi says his patients and staff were terrified

The first thing we saw was the flooding. One of the shells had landed on the roof where the water tank is, and it had started leaking onto the patients' floor.

Then we saw the patients, they were in complete shock.

El Wafa is Gaza's only rehabilitation centre; most of the 52 patients who stay overnight have spinal cord injuries - they cannot move.

They were scared to death. The hospital was in complete darkness at the time of the attacks. The generators' cables had been hit, so there was no electricity.

The battle went on for hours - can you imagine?

Our oldest patient is in his 50s - and he is the most courageous.

He told me he threw himself onto the ground and started dragging other patients out of the room on their bed sheets to corridors which were more protected.

A metal frame around one of the beds had been shattered by bullets - the patient was in the bed at the time.

The hospital was hit by four Israeli shells and by many bullets.

An person from the red Cross came to look at the damage. The type of bullets are the long ones from Israeli tanks, not the smaller ones from Palestinian militant weapons.

I am 100% certain the shrapnel is Israeli - the number of shells fired so closely together. Militant rockets aren't that accurate.

This was the second time that our hospital has been hit. The first time, in February 2002, they killed two of our nurses.

Thank God there were no injuries this time - apart from the shock and psychological trauma.

Living

2008-04-09T22:05:00.001-05:00

Simply the most amazing man I've witnessed in a very very long time. No more words are necessary. Please take an hour out of your day and watch this. It's worth it. I promise...

I'm not a Disney Princess so why do I need to think like one?

2008-04-05T09:34:00.005-05:00

I'm about to sidetrack from my typical posts and blog about something that has now been irking me for some time and is something my girlfriends and I regularly discuss......men and our standards.

I decided I needed to write this as I woke up this morning and thought about what I had on my agenda for the day. I looked to my nightstand to see what time it was and saw the unfinished novel sitting there, begging me to read it. Then I remembered why I didn't want to read it anymore.....it was a novel I bought on a whim off of one of those "suggested reading" lists on amazon after I bought a book on Egyptian politics. It looked interesting because I thought it oddly paralleled Amr and I....amazing love across two oceans....that typical fairytale. Well, when my fairytale died almost two months ago, I decided I no longer cared how it ended, and there it has sat, collecting dust.

I think it's unfair that we as women are brought up on fairytales and Disney classics believing our Prince Charming will come and sweep us off our feet and that no matter what, it was the pretty damsel in distress who landed the ideal man. It plagues us today as this "ideal" still enters into the backs of our minds as we play out our own disenchanted love lives. The problem is, its this psychotic ideal that leads to this disenchantment. I think it becomes even more of an issue when men play into it so exceptionally well that we either feel they are completely and utterly fake (which sadly, they typically are) or we feel uncomfortable and don't know how to react, which usually leads to the rejection of said man. The issue lies in the fact that we were brought up with the ideal, and then when we entered the dating world and realized this didn't exist, we hardened ourselves so that we wouldn't fall victim to the majority of men who use our fairytale weakness as a way to eventually bring about our demise....they say everything we think we want to hear and do everything we think we want them to do.....and then they pull the rug out from under us (i.e. we find they're scum, they've cheated, they stop doing said things, etc).

Then we have the other side of the coin. We women have seriously changed our "ideals" to fit our new modern lives. We are strong, intellectual, independent, social, amazing creatures who hold our men to the same standards to which we hold ourselves. Essentially, the damsel is dead. Enter problem number two.....men subconsciously fear this. They see a tall (or short), strong, confident woman in a bar and odds are, they're scared to death of approaching her, or when they do, they fumble by throwing out some confounded line that makes us want to walk away (and if we have sense, we do).

Obviously, men don't understand women and women don't really understand men....as much as we'd like to believe we do. We are practically two different species, and the fact is, this makes dating complete and utter hell. We're indecisive, we want the best, but aren't sure what that is exactly, and we're realistically afraid of our shadows when it comes to approaching someone of the opposite sex. And to compound all of this....we're all looking entirely too much and too hard.

All this being said, even I sit here, head in hand, convinced 10 years of interest in the opposite sex, half of that involved in actual dating, has brought me no further than the vast majority of the people on this planet. I fell for the Egyptian Prince Charming and got my heart handed to me on a platter, at which point I clam up and become a hardened "man-eater" once again. I've been dating to no avail finding that the men I'm interested in, aren't as interested in me, and the men I'm not interested in, are bending over backwards to please me. So I ponder....

Am I too picky? Are my standards too high? Or am I just afraid to open my eyes enough to see past the faults after being sent through the wringer yet again?

These are the ultimate questions right now, but I find myself rejecting "the good guys" nonetheless, and wondering why the others had no interest or suddenly lost it. I feel guilty for rejecting people who aren't up to my standards entirely, but I'm also not willing to settle for anything less than the best and what I expect from a man, and that's not something I will compromise on. I have certain expectations for myself and my life and the same goes for whomever I'm willing to spend a significant amount of time on again. My time is precious and I don't feel like I should waste it. Now, will this leave me destined for love life failure or is it the guarantee for success? I honestly don't know, but I sure as hell don't want to be a damsel even though I want MY Prince Charming.

Disney isn't cutting it anymore.

The Bedouin of the Middle East & Israel's Apartheid

2008-03-31T12:43:00.003-05:00

"The only chance for the development of the Negev is that we bring more Jews," says Shmuel Rifman, the mayor of the local Ramat Negev Regional Council.

It was this statement that truly struck me as I read about Israel's most recent plans to push 80,000 bedouin off their land in the Negev to make room for military installations and eventually a multi-billion dollar attempt at populating the Negev with Jews....and only Jews....or so it seems from such statements as that. I believe Israel has once again allowed itself to fall into the grip of apartheid thinking and has forgotten that if it respects the other people within its borders along with the Jews, it will be much more successful.

Israel has a right to exist, it has a right to decide what it wants to do with its lands, HOWEVER, it must respect human rights and the bedouin almost deserve this more than the Palestinians. The reason I say this is that the bedouin have been living in the Middle East for hundreds if not thousands of years, and quite honestly, are completely harmless people. They're not looking for much and simply want to be able to sustain their existence. They aren't looking to get rich or make it big or anything of the sort. They just live and make do with what they have.

I guess I have a bit of a soft spot for the bedouin of the Middle East as I had some really interesting encounters with them in Jordan in particular. I of course, had my bad run ins as well.....one bedouin in one of the tombs in the Valley of the Kings trying to take my camera and attacking me for taking a picture I shouldn't have been taking....and another bedouin in Jordan that I had a bit of an uncomfortable experience with....but overall, they were nice and interesting and kept to themselves. And for this reason, I find it hard to understand why Israel is trying to violate their basic human rights and push them off land when really, they're harming no one. They don't even so much as take electricity and water from Israel. They're completely self-sufficient. If nothing else, they should be relocated or integrated into this development plan. There is absolutely no reason, nor excuse, for Israel to be making this a "Jew only" development plan for the Negev. That actually frightens me because, as I said before, it shows an extension of their apartheid policies, which I thought were something we had buried when it was brought to an end in South Africa. Nelson Mandela is probably pounding his fist on a desk somewhere right now.

I knew I liked Ban

2008-03-28T21:15:00.001-05:00

.....thanks Mr. Ki-moon =)

UN chief condemns anti-Islam film

UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon has strongly condemned a controversial film on Islam made by a Dutch politician, calling it "offensively anti-Islamic".
Several Muslim countries have also condemned the film, a 15-minute polemic by the far-right MP Geert Wilder, which was posted online on Thursday.
Pakistan, Indonesia, Iran and Bangladesh were among those to protest.
The film sets verses from the Koran against a background of violent images from terror attacks.
"I condemn, in the strongest terms, the airing of Geert Wilders' offensively anti-Islamic film," Mr Ban said in a statement.
"The right of free expression is not at stake here," he added. "Freedom must always be accompanied by social responsibility."
The EU's Slovenian presidency said the film served no purpose other than "inflaming hatred".
'Defamatory'
In Pakistan there were small protests in several places on Friday against the film, while the government summoned the Dutch ambassador in Islamabad to lodge a protest.
The country's foreign ministry said the film was defamatory and "deeply offended" Muslim sentiments.
Pakistan said it told the Dutch ambassador that it was incumbent on the Netherlands to prosecute Mr Wilders for defamation and deliberately hurting Muslim sentiments, the official Associated Press of Pakistan news agency reported.
The world's most populous Muslim nation, Indonesia, also condemned the film, saying it was "misleading and full of racism".
The foreign ministry in Bangladesh issued a statement calling the film "unwarranted" and "mindless".
Iran said it was blasphemous, anti-Islamic and heinous - a sign it said of deep hatred felt by Westerners towards Muslims.
In the Netherlands, Mr Wilders has said he is happy with what he sees as the relatively positive domestic reaction to his film.
But the Dutch prime minister said the film wrongly equated Islam with violence.
"We reject this interpretation," Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende said shortly before its publication.
"The vast majority of Muslims reject extremism and violence and in fact the victims are often also Muslims."

Hate breeds hate....misconception breeds misconception....it needs to stop....

2008-03-27T17:54:00.004-05:00

I don't think I have ever watched something that tore my thoughts more in different directions than when I just watched this despicable "film" by Dutch MP, Geert Wilders. I was torn between my feelings as an American watching the planes crash into the towers and feeling hatred toward a particular people....how I felt right after it happened....when I went through my uber patriotic/naive phase that I think all of us Americans went through out of anger.....and my feelings for the place where those people emerged from which I have come to love and respect so much that I consider it a second home. The film brought me to tears because of all the hate in it. The hate that was carried out by fanatic terrorists and the hate being MISdirected toward an entire religion, culture, and people who do not deserve to be labeled and placed in the same category as the terrorists who have attacked all of us......black, white, pink, purple, Muslim, Christian, Jew, Buddhist, Jane, etc, etc....every single race, nationality, and religion has been targeted at one point or another in the history of civilisation by fanatical terrorists....be they Muslim, Christian, Jew, Hindu, or whatever.

My problem with the video is that it is hatred that will only breed further hatred on both sides. Muslims are up in arms, as they should be, because it is disrespectful and completely misrepresenting a beautiful religion, and those who watch it, who don't have the ability to think through it properly or don't have the experiences I do to understand it in the same light could believe its true and be given one more reason to hate Muslims. These are fanatics in the video, not the true face of Islam, but a minority. I cannot even begin to tell you how different this is from what I experienced in the Middle East. I have never been more welcomed by a people in my entire life, both Muslim and Christian, but all with the common Arab identity. They were incredible. I had one bad encounter, but even then, I knew why. Whenever it was discovered that I was an American I was not screamed at, threatened, or anything of the sort, but told that "we love Americans, we just hate your government!" and the conversation continued in a lovely direction.

I just don't understand how this video does any good what-so-ever. Breeding hate is NEVER a good thing.....on ANY side....and that's all this video does. It is completely disrespectful, generalizes, and leads people to gross misconceptions that can do nothing but cause more problems. This MP should be impeached or something of the sort under Dutch law....but the sad thing is....he'll probably only continue his propaganda of hate.

The video....Fitna.....

(SERIOUS DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS EXTREMELY GRAPHIC AND DOES NOT IN ANY WAY REPRESENT WHAT IT CLAIMS)

The Israel Litmus Test

2008-03-10T14:44:00.002-05:00

I happened upon this article and honestly, this man put it better than I probably ever could....enjoy....

"The Israel litmus test"
Why do so many American Jews demand unwavering commitment to Israel from their politicians?

By Aaron David Miller March 9, 2008

'You're nothing but a self-hating Jew, and your boss is an anti-Semite." It was the spring of 1990. I was an advisor to then-Secretary of State James Baker, and I was briefing a Jewish group from Atlanta -- and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Baker was tough on Israel when he needed to be, but he was no anti-Semite. I told Mr. Atlanta that if he wanted to argue about policy, fine; otherwise, we should keep the ad hominem out of it.Almost 20 years later, here we go again. This time, a Democratic candidate for president, not even the official nominee of his party, is under attack from some deeply confused and ill-informed American Jews. Again, the charges of hostility toward Israel are being irresponsibly bandied about. Some of this, to be sure, is the seasonal silliness associated with political campaigns. But the persistent attacks on Sen. Barack Obama -- and especially on former Clinton administration official Robert Malley, one of his many informal advisors -- shouldn't be casually dismissed as crackpot commentary. They reflect two troubling reactions, or, more precisely, overreactions, within the American Jewish community that undermine its credibility and harm American interests in the process. First, some full disclosure. I'm not associated with any political campaign and am not running for anything. For nearly 20 years, I worked at the Department of State, under Republican and Democratic secretaries of State, on the Arab-Israeli peace negotiations. What's more, I am a close friend of Malley, who served as special assistant to President Clinton for Arab-Israeli affairs between 1998 and 2001. Malley and I continue to collaborate on Op-Ed articles and conferences.In recent weeks, I've been extremely disturbed to see him attacked as an enemy of Israel and as an apologist for the late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat. Perhaps most offensive, several publications have run personal attacks on Malley because his father, in the 1960s, founded and edited a left-wing magazine called Afrique-Asie, which was friendly toward the Palestine Liberation Organization and other Third World movements. But so what? These charges are ridiculous. There's no question that Malley has been critical of certain Israeli actions and behavior (as have I). He was criticized, for instance, for an article he wrote in the New York Review of Books that took issue with the notion that Arafat was solely responsible for the failure of the Oslo peace process. But he is not "anti-Israel," let alone the Israel hater his critics portray him to be. He is well-respected by Arabs and Israelis alike, and he believes deeply in the idea and the reality of Israel's right to exist as a sovereign and secure Jewish state. He would never do anything to jeopardize that. In a joint letter last month, five of his longtime colleagues (former Clinton national security advisor Samuel R. Berger; former U.S. ambassadors to Israel Martin Indyk and Daniel Kurtzer; former U.S. peace negotiator Dennis Ross; and myself) made Malley's commitment to Israel unmistakably clear. As for the mean-spirited guilt-by-association charges having to do with his family, Malley told the Forward, a Jewish newspaper, that while he loved and respected his father -- who died in 2006 -- he did not agree with him on everything.The attacks on Malley (which are, of course, really attacks on Obama) don't merely reflect concerns about the views of a single mid-level advisor; they flow from a deeper dysfunction. The first piece of that dysfunction is what you might call the "cosmic oy vey" -- the tendency of many American Jews active in pro-Israeli causes to worry about everything, without a capacity to identify what is important and what isn't.Don't get me wrong. Jews -- and yes, I am one of them -- worry for a living. Their history compels them to and to be always vigilant. Yet in America, where they have achieved a level of security, acceptance and power unparalleled in their history, their existential worries paradoxically seem to have grown even greater. When Jimmy Carter writes a book -- a bad book, incidentally -- comparing Zionism to apartheid, many American Jews go crazy. When two university professors, Stephen Walt and John Mearsheimer, write another bad book -- about what they call "the Israel lobby" -- many Jews react as if the sky is falling. The fact is (and many American Jews are reluctant to accept it), the conflict in the United States between Israel's supporters and its detractors is over. And the pro-Israel community has won. No figure in American mainstream politics can be viable without being firmly supportive of Israel. Americans overwhelmingly back Israel's right to exist safely and securely as a Jewish state. For reasons of shared values, as well as strong domestic political support, Israel has become an organic part of American culture, religion, politics and foreign policy for Jews and non-Jews alike. Our most recent presidents, Clinton and George W. Bush, have been the most pro-Israel presidents -- ever. For too many American Jews, these successes haven't created a greater sense of security; they have only persuaded them to keep up the fight to ensure their good fortune continues. Too often this means stigmatizing people who criticize, or even question, particular Israeli policies as detrimental to U.S. interests or to the peace process or to Israel's security itself. There is a strong tendency even in parts of the mainstream American Jewish community to interpret any such questioning -- of the type that occurs every day in Israel itself -- as outright hostility. I've lost count of the number of times Jewish activists or friends have said to me that this official or that journalist or this academic must be anti-Semitic. On other occasions, I have been told that I myself should not to be so publicly critical of Israel, lest we give our enemies grist for their propaganda mills.This "us versus them" mentality still runs deep, and it is particularly harmful when it comes to the Arab-Israeli issue. That conflict is not some kind of morality play in which the forces of evil do battle against the forces of light. It is a conflict in which both sides have legitimate needs and requirements and do both good and bad things in pursuit of them.To be called an Israel hater for speaking out against Israeli actions when they are wrong and counterproductive -- actions such as building settlements and bypass roads or confiscating land -- or to be called an anti-Semite for suggesting alternative ways of thinking when the status quo is leading nowhere is not only absurd, it's dangerous.In the end, American Jews who impose a litmus test of boundless commitment to every single Israeli action hurt not only their community but the United States as well. Israel is a tiny country living in a dangerous neighborhood. The U.S. and Israel need a special relationship based on confidence and trust to further their mutual interests -- but that does not mean we need an exclusive relationship in which America acquiesces to everything that Israel or its supporters in the United States think is wise. This is a critical distinction. One can only hope that, next time around, we are fortunate enough to get a president and Middle East advisors who understand it.Aaron David Miller, who served at the State Department as an advisor to six secretaries of State, is a scholar at the Woodrow Wilson Center and the author of the forthcoming "The Much Too Promised Land: America's Elusive Search for Arab/Israeli Peace."

I have come to realize....

2008-03-06T12:17:00.003-05:00

....my blogs are entirely too depressing and serious at times. I think I need to start traveling again....

And one more thing....

2008-03-05T19:15:00.001-05:00

WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGE IN LINK....definitely has the ability to make you cry....if you have a heart....

http://www.maanimages.com/index.php?opr=Details&ID=47353

That is beyond wrong.....

Over-generalizations

2008-03-01T10:30:00.003-05:00

It has been brought to my attention that in my posts regarding the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, I sometimes overgeneralize and seem as though I'm referencing all Jews and not simply the state of Israel. This is definitely something I do not want to do, nor do I want people to misunderstand, because it only paves the way for further generalizations and weakens my arguments.

I have absolutely nothing against any religion...Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Jane....whatever.....practice what you'd like, don't try to impose it upon others, and all is fine and dandy. I do, however, have a serious problem when a religion is used as a justification for a crime against humanity. We have seen this recently with Muslim terrorists bastardizing a beautiful religion to promote their own disgusting agenda and we have been seeing it with the state of Israel for 60 years now in their aggressions against the Palestinians. The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is a political conflict, however, religion has come into play, and the Zionists who continue to kill innocent Palestinian women and children are trying to use religion as a justification for "taking back their land" when in reality, the Palestinians had been there for hundreds, if not thousands of years. For a very long time, Jews, Christians, and Muslims lived side by side very peacefully on that land. Then the Zionists brought in their agenda and their money and decided they wanted their "homeland."

What Israel is doing is WRONG. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. When you kill innocent women and children, and drive millions from their homes, you are wrong. This does not mean that the Jewish population of the world is wrong, because many of them do not support such actions. It is the Zionists and the Israeli government who are the people committing such horrific crimes against humanity.

I would like to stop the culture of over-generalization, however, and I am going to try to begin with myself. Over-generalization is wrong, and dangerous, and does nothing but undermine arguments and bring down ones credibility. We hear them all too often and they breed a culture of hate and dishonesty that this world does not need anymore of at the moment.

So, if I have offended, I apologize. I will say, however, that I will continue to write about the conflict and my views on it as I believe the world needs to open its eyes to the atrocities being committed. In the process, I will try not to overgeneralize and make the distinction between Israel, the Jews, and the Zionists.

Some people never learn

2008-02-29T09:03:00.005-05:00

Israel Warns of Gaza Holocaust

As I do every morning, I start sifting through the news agencies and checking out what each has to offer. This morning on Al-Jazeera was the big headline: "Israel Warns of Gaza Invasion." So I read through, getting more angry by the second as Ehud Barak was quoted as saying something to the effect of, "Israel is not afraid of launching a major ground invasion in Gaza," and after hitting the paragraph on the number of children killed yesterday, I decided to move on to BBC where I catch the above headline, stare aghast, read through the article, and go back to Al-Jazeera to snag the actual quote....

Israel's deputy defence minister said that if Palestinian fighters were to use weapons with a longer range they would only risk bringing a "shoah" - the Hebrew word for holocaust - upon the Palestinian people.

"The more Qassam fire intensifies and the rockets reach a longer range, they [the Palestinians] will bring upon themselves a bigger "shoah" because we will use all our might to defend ourselves," Matan Vilnai told Army Radio on Friday.

Now I sit, staring at the screen, re-reading, and becoming more and more horrified as I realize the man actually said this.

I grew up studying WWII and the Holocaust. I don't know why, but I had some odd fascination with it. I think it just amazed me what one man was able to do to an entire country and then to the world, and I found that I had profound sympathy for victims of the Holocaust. I still do, but after having studied the plight of the Palestinians and what Israelis, the majority of whom lost family in the Holocaust, are doing to them, I find myself much more cynical in my sympathy. This quote was just icing on the cake.

About a month ago I was in Washington DC for a conference and a few of my friends wanted to go to the Holocaust Museum. I'd already been and had also been to Dachau Concentration Camp when I was in Germany, so I had hoped to avoid it, but relented and went....it was free after all. As I walked through the museum I felt very different from my first experience. The first time I went, I felt so sorry for these people that I cried as I sat with a friend from Israel I had met during a leadership conference. (She is the only incredibly sweet Israeli I have ever met). This time, however, I was angry. I looked at the pictures and read, at the end, about the immigration of the Jews in to Palestine and I wanted to cry again, but this time, not for the Jews, for the Palestinians children I had seen in Dheisheh Refugee Camp, for the man I had sat and talked to for an hour in Jerusalem, for all of the Palestinians who treated me with such kindness as I wandered the West Bank a few months earlier.

How could they do this again?! How could a people who lost 6 million members of their population due to the ideology of one man, do the same thing to another population?! For the life of me, I cannot understand how the Israeli Deputy Defense Minister can even for a moment publicly state that Israeli would commit a holocaust against another people, and believe it justified! Was then the Holocaust of 1939-1945 justified?? Just because you want land and you want it full of your people does not give you the right to kill ANYONE, particularly poor innocent women and children. According to the news, 9 children were killed yesterday, including a 6 month old baby, and according to a friend working for the Palestinian Mission to the UN, the number is 13. Either way, ONE is too many children. How can you fire a rocket on a group of children who are simply playing soccer in the streets trying to live as normal a life as possible as they live in fear of Israeli Defense Forces and wonder whether or not they will have electricity or food that day?!

Clearly Israel NEVER learned from the past. They are completely comfortable playing up the Holocaust as a tragedy when it suits them and gives them an excuse to get what they want....i.e. "a homeland"....and completely comfortable committing a holocaust when it suits them as well....to give them what they want....."a homeland" but one free of the people who rightfully own the land. How can you lose 6 million of your ancestors to violence and discrimination and turn around and kill/displace an ENTIRE population of people and their ancestors?? The worst part about what Israel is doing to the Palestinians is that not only has one generation been destroyed, but Israel has destroyed the lives of MANY generations and for 60 years have continued their genocide.

(Just to note, this story was NOT covered in the American media.)

Thank you BBC

2008-02-26T11:44:00.000-05:00

Follow up to what I wrote about yesterday....

The meaning of Obama's robes

The photo has sparked a storm over who released the imageA photo of US presidential candidate Barack Obama wearing Somali clothing is causing a storm after it got released to the Drudge Report website.
Yusuf Garaad Omar, head of the BBC's Somali Service, explains the meaning of the robes.
These are the normal clothes that nomadic people wear.
The head turban is especially used by elderly people as a suggestion of respect. It is something that has no meaning whatsoever in Somalia culture.
If you see someone dressed like that in Somalia, you think it is a nomadic person - that is all.
There is no religious significance to it whatsoever. It is mainly the nomadic people who use it. Some of them are religious, some are not.
It is simply a tradition of the place where they are from.
In this particular place, Wajir in north-east Kenya, the community is majority ethnic Somali.
They have a council for Peace and Development, and when they get delegates they dress them as a nomadic person.
I have been trying to track down the old man in the photo with Mr Obama, and I have been told he is Mohammed Hassan, the chair of the council itself. But he is not in town today, and we could not get hold of him.
This debate reminds me of people back home in Somalia, who say that women should not wear trousers, or other cultures who say men should not wear a tie. I just don't think it makes sense.

Since when is cultural knowledge and appreciation a bad thing?

2008-02-25T15:31:00.003-05:00

I can't believe I'm about to do this, but I'm going to defend Barack Obama and explain one more reason Hilary Clinton is evil. Please see BBC

Apparently the Clinton camp has been circulating this picture as an attempt to smear the Obama campaign and sway voters in the U.S. who are afraid of diversity or cultural awareness or pretty much just narrowminded as hell. I cannot for the life of me understand how someone can honestly look at this picture, look at the context (Obama was accepting a gift from tribal leaders in Kenya...gaining a better understanding of a different culture, which he actually shares), and think they would not vote for him as a result. If this is the case, it just goes to show how narrowminded and afraid Americans are of cultures other than our own....if you could even say America has its own culture. One of the things that is supposed to make this country great is our blend of cultures and our acceptance of cultures differing from our own, but I believe the Clinton campaign and anyone eating up this garbage has forgotten that. And it's a true shame.

If nothing else, this photo would make me want to vote for Obama more for trying to understand a culture outside of the U.S. and to open his eyes to the rest of the world....something most leaders of late completely fail to do.....and most Americans as well. Its a total shame that we have become a society so afraid of what is different and outside of our borders that this smear campaign could actually be effective. I beg of Americans to change this outlook as there's a big beautiful world out there filled with incredible people.....open your eyes a bit more and maybe this wouldn't be so frightening.

The drive to succeed

2008-02-24T18:50:00.002-05:00

Aside from all I have done with my life and all of my travels and all that I have witnessed.....it is still things like this that truly help to drive me.....

TrixieDixie87 (6:48:23 PM): ok so this is super random this is DIXIE dont now if you remember me, I still have you on my AIM friends and such. and I just wanted to tell you I read your away messages all the time and you always drive me to do better and you have accomplished so much and I am so proud to have even known you for such a small time and I know that one day you will take over the world and I will be able to be like I know her Just wanted to let you know Hope everything is going well hun!

Dixie is a girl I did a leadership program with back in 2004....and we have barely spoken since because it gets difficult to keep in touch.....but to know people have this much faith in me absolutely warms my heart. =)

Wahashtiny Misr

2008-02-24T15:54:00.003-05:00

I need to post again today because its been bottling up inside me and I know I have no other release except on here and to friends who understand......I miss Egypt more than words. I was doing better when I thought I'd be going at the end of next month, but with the cancellation of those plans, I've found myself curled up in bed, crying myself to sleep at night a couple of times because I feel lost. I don't feel at home here anymore. I've been reading this book....for pleasure....blowing off schoolwork....and its set in Cairo and when they talk about the bridges and the Nile and the roads and the people and the shops and restaurants and the desert and everything else Egypt, I find myself falling off into my own little world and remembering my life there.

I miss walking down the street in Zamalek watching the guards falling asleep on their rifles and giggling a bit and then walking into Seoudi and having my fruit guy laugh as he bagged bananas and green oranges for me before I even got to him in the back of the store. I miss getting koshary and the guys smiling when I tried to talk to them only in Arabic. I miss walking to the Coffee Bean or Goal and stopping off to get credit for my phone from the man who always asked about Amr, "Where's the good man?" he would say. I miss the sites, the smells, the sounds, the people....everything. I even miss dodging taxis as I ran across the street and laughing when I began to understand what men were saying as I walked past. I miss the Khan and bargaining with the people who remembered me from weeks earlier and picking out jewelry with Amr's friend Moustafa the jeweler who was always so kind to me. I miss sitting at Goal with Steph doing homework and smoking shisha and laughing with our waiters who knew us so well. I miss see my latte guy every morning on campus at AUC who would smile and make my coffee without me saying a word besides "izayak!?" (What's up?) I miss sitting on my balcony at night listening to the sounds of the city around me and looking over at Muqattam and the Nile. I miss so much.

I didn't think it would still be hitting me like this 2 1/2 months later. I bawled like a baby the entire flight home and actually had a guy come up to me at the airport, an American who could be my dad, and ask me if I was alright and if I needed money or something. I was a wreck. I did not want to leave for anything. I'm so bored here and no one gets it unless they've been abroad. My friends are sick of hearing me talk about it.....even if they don't say so I know they are....and I've become quiet. I've never been quiet in my entire life.....but I don't know what else to do. I've dealt with homesickness before, but never like this when the place isn't truly my home....but became it.

Questioning humanity

2008-02-24T15:20:00.004-05:00

I'm currently working on a number of research papers at once and have begun to realize that my research is beyond depressing. For my Investigating International Relations class I'm doing a paper on the psychological effects of the Israeli occupation on Palestinian children, and my specific focus was going to be children in refugee camps with a case study on the female suicide bomber who came out of Dheisheh Refugee Camp outside of Bethlehem because I was so struck by the camp when I visited. I think my topic is shifting, however, to focus more simply on the treatment of children by the Israelis and its effects as a result of the occupation, but its a topic that almost brought me to tears when reading one of the articles for it. It was an article entitled "Crippling a People: Palestinian Children and Israeli State Violence" and its focus was the First Intafada and the violence employed against children. It simply killed me to read it. Beatings, torture, deliberate targeting of children and their families....not to kill them....but to cripple them so that the next generation is effectively useless. I can't help but sit here and wonder how human beings can do this. I couldn't imagine how someone could ever so much as point a gun at a child let alone torture or beat them. A poor innocent child who could potentially help stop the violence is ruined as soon as an Israeli soldier decides he or she wants to shoot one of their friends or beat their father or torture them. I just don't understand how an entire army could possess the ability to commit such atrocities and against children nonetheless.

It just brings me back to Dheisheh and walking through the camp and the children who peered at me through doorways or openly stared at our group in astonishment as I walked along with one of the volunteers in Dheisheh, a group of American girls trailing behind us. I spoke with him about the situation there and what it was like to be a child trapped in the middle of that and some of the stories he told broke my heart even more when I was standing in the heart of it. Stories of Israeli soldiers entering the camp at 2 am and busting down doors, dragging family members away, no one knowing when or how they would return. I remember one story in particular of a girl he had spoken with who was about 15 or so and she told him that she had traveled all over the place, but wasn't so much as allowed to travel the 15 or 20 minutes to Jerusalem. She said she felt like a prisoner in her own homeland. There were more stories of houses being blown up with 15 minutes notice....the Israelis would call the house, give the people 15 minutes to get out, and then come by with jets and fire rockets on it or would come in and literally blow the house up as a punishment for various "crimes." I remember walking around Dheisheh just broken hearted at what I was seeing. These people live on top of each other with poor sanitation and awful living conditions and no way out. They're imprisoned and the worst part is that my tax dollars pay for it. I don't possibly see how any American could agree with the policies of our government with regards to Israel if they saw what I saw.

Maybe that's why the research is affecting me the way it is. I can sit and read this and remember walking along the wall dragging my hand across the cold concrete and looking up at its vastness. I can remember the children of Dheisheh who had no way out. I can remember the man I sat and talked with in Jerusalem who simply asked if I thought they would ever be free. To be imprisoned in your own land is something most people could never comprehend and is something I still find difficult to understand even after being there. I guess the difference was that I could leave and they could not. Not even a little old woman who clearly just needed medical treatment was allowed to pass through the checkpoint in Ramallah. I watched as the Israeli soldiers, behind a thick bullet proof window, shook their heads and hit the red light on her. A prisoner in her own homeland. Its an open air prison whether you want to acknowledge it or not, and it brought me to tears when I first laid eyes upon the wall. Now to know what goes on behind it, it breaks my heart more.

Someone has to stop it.

Eleanor Roosevelt's Nightly Prayer

2008-02-18T13:17:00.001-05:00

Stole this from Emily because I thought it was wonderful....

Our Father, who has set a restlesness in our hearts and made us all seekers after that which we can never fully find,
forbid us to be satisfied with what we make of life. Draw us from base content and set our eyes on far-off goals. Keep us at tasks too hard for us that we may be driven to Thee for strength. Deliver us from fetfulness and self-pitying; make us sure of the good we cannot see and of the hidden good in the world. Open our eyes to simple beauty all around us and our hearts to the loveliness people hide from us because we do not try to understand them. Save us from ourselves and show us a vision of a world made new.

Lifting the Veil

2008-02-15T19:48:00.005-05:00

After watching yet another report on the news today about the human rights abuses committed by the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (KSA), and after beginning to read a blog called Saudi Jeans, I feel compelled to write a blog myself about the most recent incident of the woman who is supposed to be beheaded for practicing witchcraft and the goings on in the Kingdom. While I respect the Saudi government for attempting to keep morality alive somewhere on this planet, that's about as far as my respect for the KSA goes. I cannot for the life of me understand how the government can police its people and disrespect its women the way they do in the name of Islam, when the religion in and of itself, holds women in the highest regard. I'm not sure what god the Saudi government thinks would want a woman decapitated for any reason, let alone, "witchcraft," which was just barely proven with some oddities that happened to be found in and around her home. This is just icing on the cake of the latest story of a MARRIED AMERICAN woman who was arrested in a Starbucks for having coffee with a man. I'm sorry, but it's not even like they were sitting on the same piece of furniture! I think that story shocked me even more than the witchcraft story, however, given my current position.

I've now traveled through the Middle East and felt what it was like to be a foreign woman there, and to be quite honest, as I've mentioned many times before, there were uncomfortable moments, but I loved how I was treated for the most part and felt that men there, despite the comments made as I walked down the street (habibi, jameela, etc), were more respectful of me than men in America. Maybe that's why my boyfriend is Egyptian =)

Speaking of Amr, he and I have had a couple of heated discussions, a few in the presence of a friend of his who happens to be of Saudi royal blood, where I have apparently offended the two of them by stating that I would NEVER live in the KSA with the way things are right now, as a woman.....period. I think this was hard to swallow for Amr because he grew up in Saudi on a compound because his father worked there. He just didn't seem to understand why I felt this way and I think it's because he only saw the sheltered way of life for rich people living on a compound. Now, while I'm sure this would be my living situation if I lived there, I still could not do it as a woman and for all I stand for. I believe in empowerment, strength, and equality for women, and while I am by no means a feminist, I could never allow myself to be controlled, and particularly by some backwards corrupt government. (America is bad enough at times thank you very much.) This even became an issue recently when Amr was possibly going to have to move to Saudi to work with his father. I straight up told him that we would have to end our relationship because while I'm able to visit him in Egypt (even with the expense), visiting him in the KSA is NOT an option. I wouldn't so much as be allowed to leave the airport since I'm unmarried and would not have a male family member to escort me. Khalas. That would be it.

Anyway, I would say one of my biggest peeves with the KSA is the way women are completely hidden from society when they have so much to give, and that concealment begins simply with what they are forced to wear and then extends to driving privileges (or lack there of) and to how they can simply move about. Everyone in the Middle East screams for the freedom of movement for the Palestinians, the Saudi government included, and the women of the KSA don't even have that. I think the way they are veiled is the visual for me and as such, is one of the most frightening things. I can remember walking around Cairo (more so in City Stars than anywhere else), and being shocked when I saw women in Saudi dress. I can understand it so long as it is their FREE WILL...they have that choice as human beings. I think the concept of veiling can be wonderful and I have defended it many times, and have become more conservative myself after living in the Middle East because I have found that covering up is more liberating for me; however, when this is forced upon a woman, she is automatically oppressed and hidden from society. Her identity is stolen and she can no longer exert herself as the strong woman she should be allowed to be. It's scary and the forced veiling of women that we see in Saudi and that we saw under the Taliban in Afghanistan is not just a tool of oppression for women but one for men as well, as it allows a government to begin to assert a level of control in people's daily lives that is downright frightening.

I personally think that the KSA gives the Middle East and Islam a horrible name and truly needs to reconsider their backwards practices and misinterpretation of a beautiful religion as a power boost. They are only helping to fuel the cycle of misconception and disdain toward a region, a religion, and a people which leads to nothing but violence and more problems. There is no reason that Saudi has to be this way and there is no reason that 5000 princes and a king should be allowed to treat their people this way whilst they have all the fun in the world. Let me tell you, what they do when they're abroad would NEVER fly in the Kingdom.

Its time to lift the veil in Saudi Arabia.

I've officially been accepted to grad school....

2008-02-10T20:01:00.000-05:00

....and I really have no idea how I feel about it. To be quite honest, I've never been quite so lost in my life when it came to my future, and for someone like myself, who this summer was POSITIVE she was State Department bound eventually, that's a horrifying thought. I have a number of options in front of me, but for the life of me, cannot seem to decide which is best and which will ultimately lead to my utopia.

I've begun to pin point more and more my unhappiness as of late resting not only on my health, but on this indecision as well. For me, this creates an unease that I'm not used to. Although I now have some ideas about the next 5-10 years of my life, I no longer have anything set in stone. I carry a planner that plots every moment of my week....not having the next few years even remotely set in stone makes my head spin.

My options are pretty much as follows....
1) I do the 5 year program, finish with my B.S./M.A. in Diplomacy and International Relations with a concentration in the Middle East and something else. Then I move to the Middle East (preferably Jordan or Palestine) where I will work for an international NGO and focus on learning Arabic. Once I do that I can either stay in the Middle East and continue working there or move back to the U.S. and get a job here working for the government or the UN or another NGO.

2) I don't do the 5 year program and graduate a semester early with my B.S. in Diplomacy and International Relations with a concentration in the Middle East. Then I move to the Middle East (again, Jordan or Palestine), work/volunteer and learn Arabic. Within a couple of years, move back to the U.S. or start grad school in the Middle East. Then finish, and get a job that will hopefully pay off massive student loans.

3) Finish my undergrad early or on time and stay here, get a job, save, and move to the Middle East at some point to learn Arabic and work. Never get a masters, work somewhere that makes me happy, and khalas (the end).

Realistically, I want to move to the Middle East after graduating no matter what because I want to learn Arabic and that is the only way I will be able to really do it. From there, I can do almost anything because I'll have not only the diplomacy/IR background, but also the ability to speak Arabic fluently, which in this day and age can get me a job doing whatever my heart desires....almost.

I guess my options really are one in the same, but the question I'm left with would be what the best option for obtaining my masters is. The five year program or another institution? Then of course comes the question about who I would want to work for and how I would earn a living, but to me, that's something that shouldn't be too dificult because there are so many options open to me in my field that I could decide a bit later. The only question looming in my head is whether I still am feeling drawn to the State Department despite being rejected twice for the internship and disagreeing with American foreign policy overall in the Middle East. Something still pulls me to want to change that and to want to show up for work in DC or at an embassy abroad and truly make a difference.

Running through my head is simply....how can I make the most difference and how do I get there?

Curious....

2008-02-03T14:08:00.001-05:00

I'm beginning to wonder if Africa isn't about to just implode upon itself. Sudan, the Congo, Kenya, and now Chad....aside from all of the smaller conflicts going on across the continent.

High-ho! High-ho! Its off to work we go!

2008-01-31T20:47:00.000-05:00

I started my new job today. I'm officially an administrative/marketing assistant for Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance. The only reason its remotely exciting is because its my first REAL job....ever. I'm making $20 an hour, 20 hours a week, 50 something weeks a year....do the math.....SWEET! =) It means life gets to be a tad easier financially and it also means I get to start saving for grad school....yippee! The job isn't that exciting, but its different and kind of interesting. Its also nice to feel like I'm actually doing something when I work instead of being some lowly receptionist or "babysitting" (which I will have you know is a lot harder than one would think and is the BEST birthcontrol ever).

The only downside is that my weeks are now officially exhausting. My weeks will look like this....
Monday
- Gym
- Class 11:30-5:15 - straight through
- Homework/research for my other job and sleep
Tuesday
- Work 10-6 - leaving by 9 to deal with traffic
- 8:15/9 College Republicans meeting
Wednesday
- Gym
- Class 11:30-8:15 - straight through
- Homework/research for my other job and sleep
- Possible meetings
Thursday
- Work 10-6
- Crash at my parents' house
- Homework/research for my other job
Friday
- Work 9-1
- Fly back down to South Orange
- Nannying 2-5 or 6
WEEKEND!

So basically I now have 15 credits, a pseudo social life, and 3 jobs (Northwestern Mutual, Research Assistant, & nanny) to manage.....my life is nuts.....but I kinda like it that way.

See, the funny thing is, for me, crazy, stressful, etc. totally works. I accomplish so much more and am able to keep it all organized. Sometimes it gets to be a bit much, but I have my breakdown, deal, and move on. Although, you might want to ask Amr how I am when really stressed. That's when I turn into Julia-zilla and make his life miserable 6000 miles away....and amazingly, he still loves me =)

That's my life.

On a very happy side-note....47 more days until I'm back in Cairo for almost 2 weeks....inshallah =)

I'm back...and the transition isn't fun....

2008-01-30T13:08:00.000-05:00

I've decided to take up blogging again. I slacked off hardcore after my trip to Jordan because, quite frankly, I was too busy trying to enjoy my last weeks in Egypt to care. Now I'm home again, and life is back to pseudo-normalcy, and really, I hate it. It was good to find out I'm not alone in my current feelings, as I've come to find that 99% of my friends who also studied in Egypt are having the same issues with readjusting, but its been downright hard. I no longer feel like I fit in here and the first day of classes was sheer misery. I walked around campus feeling like I was going to cry. I think it was because I realized that I wasn't walking around Cairo anymore and wasn't going to be doing that for a very long time. There was a sense of adventure you got just walking around campus there that you can't even come close to here. Even walking around NYC isn't as exciting and adventurous as walking the streets of Cairo, encountering really different people and struggling to understand what is being said around you in a completely different language. Don't get me wrong, I love America and New York, but its not the same. I fell in love with the Middle East and feel as though it is a second home. I miss it terribly.

I also don't feel like people understand me or what I experienced and I'm almost positive people (ie my friends and family) are getting sick and tired of hearing me begin sentences with "When I was in Cairo..." or "When I was in Palestine..." or "In Jordan..." I see the eyes start to roll and I automatically want to crawl into a hole. But the thing is, how do you explain an experience like I had to people who have never so much as been out of the country, let alone to a place where the culture shock is out of this world. You simply can't. There is no way for me to describe the impact the wall in Palestine had on me or the poor in Cairo. Its even harder to explain the hospitality I was greeted with when the typical American believes all Arabs are out to kill them. I have never been so welcomed in a place in my entire life and I never once felt like someone wanted to harm me simply for being an American. But people here can't seem to grasp that. I still get the disgusting question when someone finds out where I've traveled of "Didn't the people treat you like crap because you were an American and particularly a woman??" They can't believe that Arabs are less backward than many Americans.

I don't know. It has simply been a tough transition and I'm hoping it will get better, but right now, all I seem to be living for is the day I get to go back. Inshallah, I'll be booking my flight for spring break soon....and back to Cairo I will go.

The rest of the tale of the Heshemite Kingdom

2007-11-12T06:13:00.000-05:00

After my encounter with the bedouin, I made my way up the rest of the mountain to the top, which was of course covered in little bedouin shops, and more bedouins. Thankfully, the ones at the top of the mountain were exceptionally pleasant and once again spoke more English than half of America. It was astonishing to say the least. I had one girl approach me trying to get me to buy something and I explained to her I had no money left really but would look when I came back down. She, of course, thought I was full of it, but I adamantly told her I would at least look and she let me go. (I held my word later on).
So we hit the peak of the mountain where there was a sacrificial alter and I was simply amazed by the view. It was absolutely incredible to be able to look out over the landscape of Petra and Jordan beyond. I am always in awe of beautiful views and it tends to send my mind running, which I love. I've noticed that more so here in the Middle East than anywhere else does my mind turn to the history when I'm presented with such a view. I contemplate all that has happened and find myself referring to passages mentally stored from Robert Fisk's book, The Great War for Civilisation which I have been absolutely devouring since I got here. Sadly, though, my thoughts tend to settle on, "Oh how we have screwed up such a beautiful land and culture and disgraced such a wonderful people." At this particular point, I remember thinking more so about why that bedouin from earlier hated America so much and that common thought came to life right there on a mountain in the Heshemite Kingdom of Jordan.
After sitting with my thoughts for a bit, Trent and I began to venture back down and within a few feet we encountered a bedouin woman with her two adorable children. I was, as usual, drawn to the kids as they ran around and played and stared at me - a giant 6' tall blonde with blue eyes and curly hair - in fascination. For the most part I feel like a freak show here with all of the stares I get, but there was such innocence in the kids that I crouched down and tried to make them feel less intimidated as we sat and talked with their mom. The woman explained that she treks up the mountain every day with her two children in tow and all of the jewelry she was selling in order to make money. She said not as many tourists bought things from her anymore, since not as many came. A direct result of the turmoil since 9/11 I'm sure, and I wondered if she understood why. I felt bad as I looked at the tiny boy with matted hair and dirt on his face, so I went to give her money, or at least what I had left - 3JD and 2USD - but then decided I would buy a necklace from her instead, to give her a bit more dignity than a simple beggar because it was not what she was.
The next bedouin woman we ran into was the same one from earlier whom I'd promised I would come back to. I explained to her that her things were beautiful but that I had no money and proceeded to show her my empty wallet. She understood and laughed and then told me she wanted to give me free henna. I protested a bit, but then felt guilty and gave in, since there really is no harm in it. Needless to say, I still have orange nails 2 weeks later, as well as a fond memory of the bedouin woman who wanted to make the Westerner look pretty.
With all of the bedouins I met in Petra there was one thought permeating through my mind, especially after the man with the terroristic threat: "I need to prove to them that Americans and Westerners are not all as bad as we seem and we're not all stupid tourists." Something I think I accomplished rather well and something I continue to remember as I live here in Cairo.

That afternoon we left Petra to head back to Amman and pretty much immediately crashed at the hotel after arriving. I was, however, in sheer awe of Amman. It was a beautiful city and so refreshing after living in Cairo for a few months. Don't get me wrong, I love Cairo and it has its own charm, but Amman really grabbed me. It was what I'd expected of the Middle East to be quite honest. It always frustrates me how I can never seem to find the right words to describe a particular place, but honestly, certain cities and certain destinations conjure up certain feelings and sometimes words just do them no justice. Amman produced yet another one of those moments for me, so I simply won't describe it. You'll have to check out my pictures to try to understand, but even then, it takes standing atop one of the seven hills the city is built on to get it.

On Saturday I met up with my friend Emily, a Whitehead graduate living in Amman, who has definitely helped to inspire my new goal: graduating and moving immediately to the Middle East. She and I went around Amman and did the touristy things as well as stop at the oldest townhouse in Amman owned by a duke that Emily has made an acquaintance with. We didn't meet him, but he leaves his townhouse open to visitors and it has become a virtual museum in Balad (the old shopping district of Amman). It was really interesting and yet again I was treated to the Middle Eastern hospitality I have come to find here. After venturing around Amman on our own, we met up with Emily's friend, Abe, who was going to drive us to Jerash. Before we ventured to Jerash from Amman, though, he drove us through the Palestinian refugee camp on Jabal Amman and I was given my first real glimpse into the life of a refugee, or at least that of a particular set of refugees. It led to an interesting discussion about how the Jordanians feel about almost 65% of their population being Palestinian refugees and how they feel about the massive influx of Iraqi refugees as a result of the War, many of whom, I came to find out, have an exceptional amount of money and leave the Jordanians resenting them and us for starting the war in the first place. I yet again thought about what the bedouin said to me and why as we passed through the overcrowded refugee camp on the side of the jabal.

The drive to Jerash was probably more astonishing and beautiful than Jerash itself. I was in awe of the mountains and the olive trees and thought to myself that I could be very happy living here. Then of course I had to wonder if this is what Palestine looks like, and if not, whether or not it looked like this before the Israeli occupation and if the subsequent wars and conflict were the reason for that. (I was later informed by Palestinian friends that it is even more beautiful there, to which I replied that I would not be leaving if that were the case when I go November 19th). The ruins in Jerash were really interesting and amazing, but I still continue to find myself more amazed by the surroundings and the people when I venture around here, and Jerash was no different. We met this little 11 year old boy who helped us find where to buy tickets and talked to Abe in Arabic since the only things he knew how to say in English were memorized lines of history of Jerash. I wondered what he thought of us as Westerners and tourists and hoped that his innocence had not yet been tarnished by all that this region has going wrong with it.

After Jerash, it was back to the hotel for my final night in Amman which was spent relaxing in the hotel and sleeping since sleep is something I have lacked quite a bit being here. The next morning, I watched the sun rise over Amman from my hotel window before showering and heading to the airport to head back to Cairo. I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness at having to leave such a beautiful place, but it definitely further proved to me how much I loved the region and the travel and adventure it has to offer. I knew at that moment that it would not be my last time in Jordan.

Jordan and an adventure in understanding public diplomacy

2007-11-08T03:59:00.001-05:00

So the big update this week would have to be last weekend's trip to Jordan. It was simply amazing and wonderful. You could throw any positive adjective at this trip and it would probably fit it to a tee! Adding to the whole experience, I had a fantastic beginning in Cairo when my driver to the airport ended up speaking VERY little English, so I was forced to use Arabic and carried on a conversation of sorts for the entire hour drive through Cairo traffic to the airport. I was smiling ear to ear and tipped the guy like a Rockefeller in Egypt for helping me so much. =) I also got to enjoy a Starbucks treat at the airport and talk to my mom just before I hopped on the plane so there was pretty much nothing that could stand in the way of a fabulous weekend.

The flight to Amman was short and sweet and once I arrived I flew through customs and met Trent by the exit. We drove to Petra that night and crashed at the hotel for an early wake up. The next morning I was greeted by an incredibly beautiful view of what has become my favorite place to visit in the Middle East thus far. We grabbed a quick breakfast (al futoor) and ventured off to the actual site of Petra. It was a bit of a walk to make it to the famous temple but it was gorgeous nonetheless. Trent said it reminded him of the Grand Canyon a bit. The temple itself was pretty cool, but after all of the ruins I've seen, I didn't get overly excited. Being the adventurers we are, Trent and I decided to explore further, but stopped first to talk to some bedouins selling Jordanian daggers. I bought two and Trent bought a beautiful solid silver one for 100JD (about 140USD) after talking the guy down from 400JD. He was so proud of it and has vowed to wear it on his uniform in Iraq. (Boys and their toys...)

I was amazed at how well the bedouins, who live simply in caves around Petra, spoke English AND a couple of other languages. It made me feel slightly dumb and pathetic that its taking me so long to learn Arabic when these relatively uneducated people throw around English with different accents like its nothing. I was also disturbed by one bedouin in particular who spoke a little too much English and knew a bit too much for my comfort. We encountered him after Trent and I decided to continue our adventure up a mountain for a better view.

This bedouin was about a quarter of the way up and was waiting for tourists to ride his donkey. He asked us if we wanted a ride and we politely declined and decided to chat with him for a few after he told us he'd learned English from his Irish girlfriend of three years. (A fact which simply intrigued us and of course raised an eyebrow.) He then proceeded to ask Trent where he was from, to which the reply was "Australia" and "Welcome! Welcome!" Then I was asked, and in the back of my mind I debated for a moment as to whether I should say America or Canada, but decided on having a bit of pride in my country and stated that I was an American. There was no reply; simply a scowl and a rather nasty look. At which point I began my usual spiel..."I know, I know. Our government is bad. George Bush is stupid. 'George Bush '3rbee (stupid in Arabic).' 'Ana taliba fil Qahira. Ana adrus al lu'3ra 3arabeya' (I am a student in Cairo. I study the Arabic language.)..." Which was to no avail as he continued to scowl and only spoke with Trent. After a minute or two we decided to continue on our way and as we walked away the bedouin turns to me and says, "I will visit America someday. (blank look from me, knowing what could be coming...) You know, (motions flying), but it will be a one way ticket. Just one way. But you have to rebuild the tower first." This is the point where I lost all feeling in my body, felt like I was about to regurgitate the breakfast from the morning, and turned pale. I simply glared at him behind my dark sunglasses, mouth agape, and turned and walked. Trent laughed a bit at the man's foolishness and I turned to him and snapped at him "it's not f*cking funny!!" I could not for the life of me find the words to say anything to this ignorant bedouin so I kept my mouth shut. It was also an attempt to prove that not all Americans are going to lash out at your for exercising what we in America like to call freedom of speech. Looking back I almost wish I had said something to try to prove to this man that I understood why he was angry, but that this wasn't the way to deal with it, but I know there would have been no way for me to calmly, or diplomatically, find the words.

It made me angry of course, as a comment like that should any American, or citizen of the world after such a horrific crime against humanity, but it also made me think. I couldn't help but to consider why he felt this way and what I could do to change it. The bedouin was angry because the only news reports he is probably getting are those of the atrocities the West has committed against his brethren. Iraq is a debacle to say the least and has left hundreds of thousands of Iraqis dead. Palestine is yet another Western backed disaster. Both situations which have a direct affect on Jordan and its economy with something like 65% of the population being Palestinian refugees and with the massive influx of Iraqi refugees. Of course he, being as uneducated as I'm sure he is, has only seen the West, particularly the U.S., put in its place once, in a massive attack on our own soil by Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden. He probably believes this is the only way to change our foreign policy or show us that the people of the region won't take our foreign policy being imposed upon them with such negative consequences lying down. It was in this moment that I thought about what I'd learned about public diplomacy and how the U.S. is currently using it around the world, and I knew it wasn't effective. I wrote a paper on how much public diplomacy is lacking, particularly in the Middle East, but this proved my understanding and made me think about what would work to change it. Education is key and not through radio broadcasts or leaflets distributed with bright yellow MREs in war zones, but through the building up of schools and educational infrastructure within the region. This does not mean teaching American history in every country in the Middle East, but simply giving children the foundations necessary to think for themselves so that they may someday be able to bring about the change which this region so desperately needs.

Anyway, I've gone on long enough about that encounter in Petra, so I will wrap up this particular entry so I can get ready to catch my flight to Sharm El Sheikh for the weekend, and finish up once I get back on Sunday.

The Kingdom

2007-10-26T17:36:00.000-05:00

Very rarely am I truly moved by an action film, but I found myself in that state after seeing The Kingdom tonight. First of all, watching a film about terrorism, Saudi Arabia, and the U.S. while in the Middle East is an experience in and of itself. The entire movie was subtitled in Arabic and I found myself understanding a lot of the Arabic used in the film and even correcting the English subtitles when Arabic was spoken. It also shows a big cultural difference when you and the other 6 Americans with you are the only ones laughing at half of the movie.

Atmosphere aside, the film truly had an impact on me and made me consider a lot. I found myself literally sick to my stomach within the first 10 minutes of the movie as we watched two suicide bombings in graphic detail, and I couldn't help but to wonder if that was really how it felt to witness such horrors. Once I got past the nausea, I was able to focus once again on the larger themes within the movie and looked beyond the Hollywood action packed adventure the movie was portrayed to be. The points I picked up on were subtle enough to be overlooked by 90% of Americans watching this movie, but being a student of the Middle East, studying Arabic and Arab culture, and studying IN the Middle East, I got so much more out of it.

The first thing that struck me was how the director tried to show how misguided Americans are when it comes to Arab culture, a fact that we all know is incredibly true. There are a million obnoxious jokes thrown around by the American characters that a person educated on the Middle East would simply cringe at because it is so common to see and so obviously showing how little we, as a society, know about these people. The argument going on through the movie between the State Dept. and the FBI on how to go into Saudi Arabia and deal with the incident is the first major example of this. State says no, FBI says go. Even though State is shown to be as bureaucratically ridiculous as it turly is in the movie, they are the ones who bring up the right points about allowing Americans with guns into Saudi Arabia....the land where the two holiest sites in Islam can be found....its a no go.

Moving on, you begin to see the fact that Americans and Arabs can work together and do have a common goal when it comes to fighting terrorism.....keeping extremists from any ideological background from killing innocent people.....and the fact that we all have one thing in common....we're human. There was a scene where the Saudi police officer is in a car with one of the FBI agents and the two are finally connecting on a personal level and the Saudi officer talks about the fact that all he can think about is how even though most of the people killed in the attack were Westerners, they got up that morning just as he had and went about living their lives, just as he had.....but not knowing that their lives would end that day. He understood that there was no difference between him and them, which is the most common mistake both East and West make on a regular basis. Americans hate Arabs because we're afraid of a culture we don't understand and Arabs hate Americans for the same reason, but when you get to the crux of it all, we're all human and have the same basic needs and thought processes. We all want to live.

With this you also begin to see that Americans need to work with moderate Muslims in order to combat terrorism properly. It is by working with these people and helping them to gain control that Islamic terrorism will be slowly taken out. We need to quit ostracizing all Muslims as extremists and harness the power that moderate Muslims who believe in true Islam can have to influence people to put down their weapons and stop fighting the West. Contrary to popular belief, the West and Islam can co-exist.

Most poignantly of all, the final scene put in very simple terms, why there is no peace between the west and extremist Islam. Both sides believe "we are going to kill them all." The same idea permeates both the Americans and the extremists, but yet, what brings each side to this point is what makes the difference. However, if the violence and mass murder, on both sides, is going to stop, we need to stop hating and fearing each other enough to accept that we will forever be different, but it is possible for us to co-exist. Hate breeds violence and violence breeds hate. Until both cease, there will be no peace.

(And that, my friends, is all I've got at 1 in the morning......hope it wasn't too poorly written and provokes some thought. Inshallah, I'll edit it up and make it a bit more interesting within the next day or two.)

P.S. This what TIME had to say about it....
http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1666758,00.html

All of the pieces come together

2007-10-22T06:27:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I realize its been about 2 weeks since I've posted, and I apologize!!! I have not only been busy, but for some reason, have also been dealing with being EXTREMELY exhausted....to the point where I was sleeping for 12 hours a day if I could!! I think its partially just all the traveling and everything catching up with me and partially the pollution slowly killing off every cell in my body. Guaranteed I'm coming back with a lung condition of sorts, but hey, its totally worth it!! And I honestly mean that. I grow to love this place more and more every day and find it harder to see myself back in the states. Pretty much the only thing drawing me home right now is my family and friends. I seriously wish I could zap over and see you guys whenever I wanted, and I wouldn't need to come home. But to be quite honest, I would be miserable without all of you. I have found that more so over here because this place is changing everything about me, even how I deal with people. I know who my true friends are and although I'm always up for making new friends, I no longer feel a need to be everyone's best friend. Here, I see everyone as a travel buddy for the most part. A person who comes into my life for a moment, helps to make an awesome memory, leaves something behind, and moves on. It helps to alleviate a lot of the drama I've noticed popping up over here, which always comes with sticking a bunch of college students together.

So anyway, over the last two weeks I've been venturing around Cairo doing very normal things and also went off on a Nile cruise over Eid break after my entire trip to the West Bank fell through three days before I was supposed to go. I rescheduled my plane ticket for Thanksgiving break, though, so hopefully, the Israelis won't decide to close off the West Bank again and make it impossible for me to go where I want to. I had friends that made it in over Eid, but I was supposed to venture down to some of the areas people stay away from....namely Hebron, which is a city entirely "Swiss-cheesed" by illegal settlements.

The Nile cruise was an absolute blast and was a trip organized by AUC that just happened to have a slot open up the morning after my trip fell through. It twas fate, as I'm missing the cruise ALI is doing over Thanksgiving to go to the West Bank now. I met some great people on the cruise, and got to take the "tourist train" (literally translates to that in Egypt!!) overnight from Cairo to Aswan before embarking on our voyage up the Nile. We saw some incredible ruins as well as dams that crippled the Egyptian economy (another blog on that later), and my favorite.....Karnak, which is a HUGE temple that took TWO THOUSAND YEARS to complete. My jaw basically hit the floor when I saw the size of this and thought of how it was built entirely by man (people) power. The whole trip was great, and pictures can be found up on my picture page. My only complaint....the massive number of tourists....which we decided we didn't fit in with since we have resident visas haha

Other than that, life hasn't been all too interesting by your normal standards. I'm just living and studying in Cairo and absolutely loving every minute of it. Of course, I have my moments where I loathe this city, but its like that everywhere I am. I even have my moments where I hate New York when I'm home. But overall, I love it. There is something about the Middle East that draws you in. Despite some of the downfalls, the region is wonderful, as are the people. I have found so much hospitality here that you just don't see anywhere else, even outside the U.S. Cairo might kill you with its pollution, but Egypt will, at times, wrap you up in its hospitality. Funny thing is, I feel safer here than most other places for the most part. Men may look at me as I walk down the street and say things, but I know that if I were ever to be robbed, or harmed, or anything, I could scream and yell and a million people would come running to help me. I've already seen this happen with a few of my friends. This is something that doesn't usually happen other places. One friend of mine was just assaulted and robbed while on break in Sweden.....that might happen here.....but let out a scream.....and a gang of men will come running to your rescue and beat the crap out of the guy. (Its true!! Its serious harram!! Which is sin in Arabic) As much as people fear Islam as a religion, and fear theocracy, I have come to believe that having the true religion ingrained in people's minds, and enveloped in their culture can make a lot of things better. As we see in the U.S. with the core values of Christianity being incorporated into much of our daily lives, I see that here with Islam.

So moving on....recently I've been trying to decide what to do with my life, and more importantly right now, what to do with next summer. I'm still applying for the State Department internship, but am unsure of whether or not it will be right for me. I still feel drawn toward State, but am also still so torn by the fact that I don't feel as though U.S. Foreign Policy coincides with my beliefs, and I seriously doubt it will change any time soon, as the Israeli lobby stills holds entirely too much power over our politicians. I can't see myself working/interning for State, and going "oh yes, its ok, Israel, go ahead and bulldoze some homes and kill innocent people to make way for your settlements as you Swiss cheese the sovereign land of an entire people." Its just not ok. And I also don't think the U.S. is conducting much of its other policies in the Middle East well either, which is not exactly something I can chime in with as a lowly intern. So, as another option, I'm looking into some internship/volunteering opportunities back over here, hopefully within Palestine, but mumkin ("maybe" in Arabic) somewhere else in the Middle East. I want to come back and I want to venture around more, so it would be the perfect opportunity/excuse.

I found a group called the One Voice Movement which I am loving at the moment, and am hoping to fall into something with them during the spring in New York, if not this summer in Palestine. Instead of trying to point fingers, the group tries to bring together moderate parties on both sides and stamp out extremism on both sides in order to find common ground....a common voice....one voice....to solve the dispute between Israel and Palestine. I think its brilliant and am really hoping to find something with them. If not that, I think my next move will be on the ground humanitarian work somewhere over here....mumkin teaching English since I'll now have enough of an Arabic background to be able to do it without much problem.

We shall see. Inshallah everything will pan out as it should. =)

In the midst of eggs, hecklers, and firecrackers...

2007-10-07T13:44:00.000-05:00

This weekend was fun, yet uneventful. I played soccer Thursday night with some of the girls from AUC on the club team since they were short a player, and that was an interesting experience to say the least. Picture this....a small concrete type field (somewhat like playing indoor soccer) with about 200-300 people in the stands who were mostly under the age of 21, cheering on whatever teams happened to step onto the field....and heckling at, throwing eggs at, and throwing firecrackers at the team they happened to not like. We were of course the latter and it made for an interesting game. While in goal, I had 4 young boys saying the most ridiculous things to me and within the first 2 minutes of the game, the eggs came raining down onto the field. I was in shock to say the least. The girls we played were much how I expected them to be....rather weak and timid and shocked at how aggressive we were. It was kind of sad to watch the stereotype of women here play out on the field, but it seems to be true that here, the boys play the sports in school and the girls learn about the sports in school. Despite the eggs, rude comments, and firecrackers, we had a good time.

The rest of the weekend I spent at the Egyptian Museum for the second time, out with friends, and sleeping when I wasn't studying. I took this weekend more as an opportunity to rest up for next weekend than anything else, since on Thursday I will be jumping on a plane to Tel Aviv and then venturing, on my own, down to Jerusalem to meet up with Trent. The details from there are still kind of fuzzy, but hopefully everything will be ironed out by Thursday and I'll be spending time in the West Bank while I'm there.

Other than that, there isn't too much to report from over here. I'm still toying with what I want to do with myself and my future and am trying to decide how to write my essay for State Dept. internship application, which is due Nov. 1st. So we shall see. Its so odd for me to be so uncertain about something and I'm still hoping something will suddenly pop up and point me in the right direction here. It would be nice if life were so simple eh?

Ev'ry hair on my body has got a thing for this place....

2007-10-03T13:08:00.000-05:00

"Can't close my eyes
They're wide awake
Ev'ry hair on my body has got a thing for this place
Oh empty my heart
I've got to make room for this feeling
So much bigger than me
It couldn't be any more beautiful - I can't take it in....."

I was walking down the street to Costa Coffee from campus this morning and this song popped up on my iPod. Honestly, it couldn't have been anymore perfect. The sun was beaming down on me, I had a huge grin on my face just from being excited about everything, and I was about to sit and have a coffee while finishing up my latest read, Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid. I have moments like that, so simple, but where I get completely overwhelmed by how much I love it here. Granted, I have my moments where all I want is the comfort of America and my family and friends, but I see so much potential for myself here. Maybe not right this minute, but overall, in the region, I feel as though I have so much to offer.

I have so many ideas running through my head, and even more so since I've been here. Its like everything just suddenly clicked. This trip to the West Bank has me more and more excited every day and I can't believe its only about a week away. Its all coming together. I found out I'll be visiting a school as well and have decided to begin to do what I can....which would be to bring school supplies to the kids there. I'm putting in $100 myself for it, which will go an insanely long way, and my friend Yousef has also said he wants to contribute as well. So, with our money and whatever anyone else is willing to contribute, I should be able to buy a TON of stuff for these kids.

Its things like this that still have me contemplating my future....a lot. Something is still drawing me to State, but something is also pulling me away from it. I know I've got at least another year and a half before I need to figure this out, but being the person I am, I can't wait that long to decide on a direction. I guess I'm looking at it like this....as much as I love the UN for all that it is, I see SOOOOOOOOOOOO much that needs to change about it and I also see it in a completely different light than most people. I feel the same way about State right now. As much as I love it and would kill to work for them, there is so much that needs to change about it, and about the way that U.S. foreign policy is conducted, that I don't know how I could put myself in a position where I couldn't change it. When I interned with the Center for UN Reform, it combined it.....I was able to be exposed to the UN, but my job was to focus on reform issues and work with an organization that had a mission to stay on top of them. I won't get that with State for a very very very long time, if ever. There's too much red tape, bureaucracy, and politics involved with it all. I want to affect change now....not later.....now. Easier said than done right? Its so odd to me that I'm a couple of months shy of 21, a year and a half away from finishing up my undergrad and somehow, I seem to have a better understanding of how things SHOULD be working with our foreign policy here. I feel like I always have with my age....10-15 years ahead of where my age bracket has me stuck.....and in my current position.....10-15 years ahead in my thinking of where my experience and my schooling has me trapped. Its frustrating.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. Aside from my excitement about the West Bank trip, and my confusion about my future, I'm looking forward to a three day weekend that will be spent relaxing and enjoying Cairo. I'm supposed to be heading to the Egyptian Museum with my friend John, and hopefully back to the Pyramids to get to go inside the big one, which costs about 100LE (less than $20), but you have to get there super early.....it will be SO worth it! =)

Be the change you want to see in the world

2007-10-01T06:21:00.000-05:00

I knew coming into this that Egypt would change my life, I just wasn't exactly sure how.....until now. Obviously I don't entirely know how it will change me since I've only been here for a month and a half, but something inside me has already clicked and is making me reconsider my entire future; a very scary thought for someone like me, who has had her future mapped out since she was 15.

As I've said before, I've fallen in love with Egypt and the greater Middle East even more so since getting here, and I think it is now translating into something bigger. I am honestly not looking forward to coming home. Of course I have my bouts of homesickness and I miss all of my wonderful family and friends, but I have found a connection to this place that I can't explain. Something drew me here in the first place and has fascinated me for years now, but after being here and being immersed in the culture, I feel as though I may have found a better path in life for myself. I still think I want to work for the State Department and still plan on applying for an internship with State for the summer, but I have found issue with so many of the policies of the U.S. government and my own beliefs that it worries me that I would be working against fundamental things that I believe in. I have been saying for awhile that at some point I want to be in a position to affect change on U.S. government policy, but I feel that way even more so now. There are so many areas in our foreign policy with regard to the Middle East that we have completely messed up, and if done right, we can still repair, but it is more a matter of whether or not the government and the people will ever be up to such a challenge. It frightens me that they never will, and thus, I won't be entirely happy in that position.

I want to bring peace and understanding of the West to this region more than anything else. I have met so many Egyptians who have said to me "you, Americans are such nice people, but I don't like your government," and there is no reason this has to be the case. I love America and being an American more than anything else, but I do not love the image we have managed to portray of ourselves abroad, particularly in this region. On top of that, more than anything, I believe we have made the biggest of mistakes in Israel and Palestine and as a result, millions of people are suffering and Arab countries will not trust us. Major changes need to be made on this front and my generation needs to be the one to lead this shift. With this in mind, I am doing my own fact finding mission within the next 2 weeks and flying into Tel Aviv and venturing down to Jerusalem and the West Bank. I want the first hand experience that future U.S. leaders need in order to understand the situation we face and I want this to help me to be prepared to help bring real and lasting peace to the region.

I know these are lofty goals and rather detached from reality at the moment, but its the direction my mind is in right now. I truly think that after finishing my undergrad I may put the foreign service exam on hold for a year and venture back here to volunteer with a humanitarian organization somewhere or maybe try for a job with the UN and get myself sent here. More than likely, in the occupied territories where I feel a positive US presence, even if it is just one simple little person, such as myself, is absolutely necessary for the people to begin to trust in us and our future policies. I want to be a beacon of public diplomacy for the United States until I can affect change upon our foreign policy. I truly want to embody the famous Gandhi quote, "You must be the change you want to see in the world."

An overdue update and some political thoughts

2007-09-30T13:39:00.001-05:00

As of late, I have been INCREDIBLY bad about updating this thing. Partly due to the fact that I'm simply too tired to sit in front of my computer and write up a blog half of the time, and partly due to the fact that I'm just that lazy when given the opportunity to rest. I've also been practically eating books. I've managed to get over halfway through my massive book, the Great War for Civilisation, by Robert Fisk, which is out of this world amazing, as well as a book called Occupied Voices and am now jumping into Palestine Peace Not Apartheid by Jimmy Carter, which I've already gotten about 1/8 of the way through after buying it a couple of hours ago. I just can't seem to get enough of books at the moment and I think it is because I am bombarded with Arabic 24/7 and simply need a break, so of course, without CNN and BBC, I'm jumping into books. I also miss my diplomacy classes and am trying to compensate for the fact that I have no real reading to do for the next three months. I never thought I would miss such a thing.

Anyway, over the last two weeks I have ventured to the top of Mt. Sinai and back, with a busted ankle on the way down, and traveled to Alexandria, as well as seen a concert outside of the Cairo Opera House, among other things. I have really settled into life here in Cairo and am still completely in love with the region. I of course have my moments, which I have dubbed my "hatin' on Cairo" moments since they seem to be fleeting and usually have something to do with some horrible idiot I had to encounter, which as we all know, also happens on a regular basis in the States. I have found it easier to blame the whole city here, though, as opposed to one particular jerk in the moment.

Mt. Sinai was absolutely incredible and after a relatively easy hike up the mountain, which began at 1:30 in the morning, we hit the last 750 steps which killed us all the way to the top. It was incredibly well worth it, however, as I have never in my life seen so many stars. We laid out on the top of the mountain from 4 am until sunrise, and then watched the most breathtaking site I have ever witnessed. (pictures can be found here) I can't describe it, and I won't....and even the pictures don't do it a bit of justice. After the sun rose, we started back down the mountain, but decided to take the tougher route down the "Steps of Repentance" to the monastery below. They weren't bad at all until I managed to slip on some gravel and sprain my ankle really badly. I managed to hobble down the mountain though, and have been in some sort of pain ever since. Still,....it was entirely worth it.

This weekend I went to a concert Thursday night, which was an experience, and then ventured on a roadtrip to Alexandria with my friend Steph and two of her Egyptian friends. We had an absolute blast and spent half of the two hour trip home listening to Arabic music with the guys translating it for me. The other part of the trip home was spent sleeping or talking about some rather interesting topics. We got on the subject of religion and values and politics and one of the guys, Pierre, made a really interesting observation that I never expected to come from someone in the Middle East....its so simple yet something most people don't think about.....the U.S. and the Middle East have a very similar values system. He made the point after we were discussing how religion comes into play in our respective countries and then how that plays out in the world and then on how it affects relationships and how we deal with relationships in the US and Egypt. He was right, though. Most of the world, particularly the Arab world, thinks the United States is a country that is entirely void of morals and values, which could not be further from the truth. As many of the countries here are founded on Islamic values, the U.S. was founded on Christian values, and as a result, both are inherently similar. Its something that I think both sides completely miss. The U.S. believes Arab countries are insane and all they care about is spreading Islam and killing those who support Israel, and the Arab countries believe the US is full of people who want to rape and pillage the economies of the world and impose our immoral ways on the globe, but yet again....this could not be further from the truth. Both groups of citizens actually have very similar focuses with family being at the center of it all. I was amazed to see how similar our family values were, more so than anything else. It was really amazing for me to find such common ground with something we see as so basic.

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On another note, I must comment on something I read on Al-Jazeera today regarding a recent resolution passed by the Senate which called for Iraq to be split into three states (Sunni, Shii, and Kurd) and governed by a central body which would control the oil and borders. Honestly, with this vote, I am absolutely positive that the United States government does not have a clue as to what it should be doing in Iraq. I had questioned it for awhile, but really, what are they thinking? It is apparent that none of them read the Iraq Study Group Report and that none of them have the interests of the Iraqi people in mind. This is entirely a ploy to be able to pull out of Iraq too quickly and appease the voters....a move, which in the long run, could cripple Iraq and the region. To quote Al-Jazeera, "The Iraq Study Group, a US bi-partisan body, which delivered its recommendations in December, warned that dividing Iraq could trigger mass population movements and the collapse of Iraq's fragile security forces." (They just put it so simply in that sentence that I had to copy and paste)

It is absolutely ridiculous to think that Iraq could now be divided into three states. It would result in civil war on a massive scale, ethnic cleansing, and could destabilize the region with Iran helping the Shii and states such as Saudi Arabia backing the Sunnis. It would also create other issues because the Kurdish region being even remotely autonomous would leave Turkey, Iran, and Syria (as well as Armenia and Azerbaijan), in a panic that they may try to become entirely autonomous and annex land in these countries. The issue of ethnic cleansing would come into play because of the fact that, despite what the U.S. government may believe, Sunnis and Shii do share massive pieces of land. Not all of the Shii live in the South and outside of the "Sunni Triangle" and not all of the Sunnis live in the "triangle." This is evident simply in Baghdad where we see sectors of the city occupied by Sunni and sectors by Shii and sectors by both. If the country were to be divided based on religious beliefs, people would be forced out of their homes or mass killings of the opposite group would result. At times, Iran and Saudi Arabia have both states that if Iraq were split up or a civil war were to ensue, they would support opposing sides, which could send the entire region into a destabilizing war; one which could result in more than a regional conflict. Can we say World War III? Lets not forget how important the region is to the entire world. We don't want anyone taking serious sides in a regional conflict here, particularly one over religious differences. Its bad enough with Israel in the mix.

Follow up to Ahmadinejad

2007-09-26T08:02:00.000-05:00

I have recently become a reader of The Independent since it happens to be the home base of my new favorite author/journalist, Robert Fisk, who wrote the Great War for Civilisation (my current read), and as a result, happened upon this brief article that I thought conveyed my feelings on the Ahmadinejad speech rather well. I will follow up with more shortly, but right now, am up to my neck in Arabic homework, but felt the need to share....

The Big Question: Is America right to demonise President Ahmadinejad of Iran?
By Anne Penketh, Diplomatic Editor
Published: 26 September 2007

Why are we asking this question now?
Because of the furore surrounding the visit of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to New York for the UN general assembly session. He was greeted by headlines in the New York tabloids which screamed "The Evil has Landed" and "Madman Iran Prez". He gave his third address as president to the UN General Assembly last night, but only after a controversial meeting at Columbia Uuniversity, whose authorities came under strong pressure to deny him a platform.

How did he do?
He set out the policy of Iran's "peaceful" nuclear programme, and responded to questions about his troubling statements concerning his denial of the Holocaust and on seeking the destruction of Israel. But he destroyed his own credibility by asserting, in response to a question, that "in Iran, we don't have homosexuals like in your country". That comment earned him the most laughter – and boos – of the event.

So was the US right to try to silence him?
Of course not. The president of Columbia University, Lee Bollinger, undermined his own case for freedom of speech in his insulting introduction in which he described the university's guest as exhibiting "all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator" and expressed the hope that Mr Ahmadinejad would not remain in office.
There are several problems with America's demonisation of Mr Ahmadinejad. Firstly, it confers on him a prominence in the Iranian power structure that he does not have in reality. It is not the Iranian president who wields the most power in Tehran: the supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, calls the shots and decides nuclear policy. Secondly, scare-mongering has proved counter-productive by enabling him to portray nuclear power as a priority and a matter of national pride.
The personal insults aimed at the Iranian president during his New York visit could also end up increasing his popularity at home, rather than the reverse. But there is also the grim reminder of Saddam Hussein, who was the last foreign leader demonized by the American administration and US television networks. With a figure like President Ahmadinejad held up as the representative of the "axis of evil" by the Bush administration, it can only comfort the position of the US and Israeli hawks who believe that Iran should be stopped from obtaining a nuclear weapon, by military force if necessary.

Is he convincing on the nuclear issue?
Yes, actually. He noted that Iran is within its rights under the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty to develop nuclear energy for peaceful purposes. He argued that Iran needs to be self-reliant in producing its own nuclear fuel for energy because it had been let down by several western suppliers since the days of the Shah. He also pointed out that the UN inspectors have certified that Iran has not enriched uranium beyond the level of five per cent, which is the grade required to power a civilian reactor. Weapons grade uranium needs to be enriched to more than 90 per cent.

Can we believe Iran when it denies wanting the bomb?
Sadly not. Too much mistrust has built up over the years between the West and Iran which has concealed its activities from UN nuclear inspectors in the past. Most western experts believe that Iran wants to continue its nuclear programme until it has the "break-out" capability of building a bomb. In other words Tehran wants to keep its options open, and now that it has mastered the technology for enriching uranium, the route to highly-enriched weapons grade fuel is only a matter of time if the Iranians decide to break out of the UN process.
But it is true that UN inspectors have not proved any deviation of Iran's programme towards military research. Iran reached an agreement last month with the International Atomic Energy Agency, in hopes of deflecting a new round of UN sanctions by agreeing to answer all outstanding questions on Iran's past nuclear activities before the end of the year.
While Russia and China, on the UN Security Council, have welcomed this agreement, the US and Britain have accused the Iranians of a tactical delay while refusing to meet the main UN demand of halting uranium enrichment. As Mr Ahmadinejad himself noted, "we're all well aware that Iran's nuclear issue is a political issue, it's not a legal issue."

What happens now?
The UN security council is trying to coerce Iran into halting uranium enrichment in order to have an objective guarantee that the most sensitive part of the Iranian programme has been suspended. Once that happens, according to the US and the Europeans, negotiations can begin. But it seems unlikely that the West would ever allow Iran its own domestic fuel cycle. The Americans have even managed to lean on Russia to delay delivering fuel for Iran's civilian nuclear plant under construction at Bushehr. Iran refuses to compromise on its right to uranium enrichment, so the standoff is set to continue.
The permanent Security Council members – US, UK, France, Russia and China – plus Germany are to hold a ministerial-level meeting on Friday to discuss possible further UN measures. In the light of continuing resistance from Russia and China, the US, UK and France are threatening to consider additional commercial measures outside the UN framework But all agree that the UN remains the most effective forum, even though reaching agreement will take time. And that's where the possibility of military strikes can't be ruled out, in the light of Iran's steadfast refusal to stop enrichment.

What's wrong with Iran getting the bomb anyway?
The main objection to Shia Muslim Iran obtaining the bomb is that it would fundamentally change the strategic balance in the Middle East – where Israel is the only (non-declared) nuclear power – and beyond, and contribute to a new nuclear arms race which has probably already begun. And, of course, Mr Ahmadinejad's statements about Israel have further deepened international concern. His repeated appeals for the return of the "Hidden Imam" – including at the outset of his remarks at Columbia – are a reminder that he is a member of a sect that may well desire the end of the world through a nuclear apocalypse. However, everybody knows, including the Iranians, that if ever they developed a bomb and dropped it on Israel, Tehran would be "razed", as the former French president, Jacques Chirac once put it

Is the US likely to attack Iran?
Yes...
* Sanctions won't stop Iran from pursuing uranium enrichment
* President Bush has promised that he won't leave office without solving the Iran problem
* US air power can be freed up to strike Iranian targets, despite military involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan
No...
* The US is too bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan to free up military resources for such an offensive
* Economic sanctions need time to work, and there can be a diplomatic solution if the UN security council is united
* Iran could harm US interests across the Middle East by retaliating in case of military action

Ahmadinejad should be forcing the U.S. into some introspection

2007-09-24T10:01:00.000-05:00

I'm going to take a step back here for a minute, and instead of reflecting on my experience, reflect on something I'm missing out on in the states.

As many of you know, President Ahmadinejad of Iran is going to be attending the start up of the General Assembly at the UN in New York this week and along with this has asked to lay a wreath at Ground Zero (a request promptly denied) and to speak at Columbia University. With a rather different perspective to view this from, I am still exceptionally glad that he was not allowed on the hallowed ground that is Ground Zero because at this point, I barely want my own president there, but I am caught between conflicting emotions on his opportunity to speak at Columbia. My first reaction was that it was a disgrace that such a prestigious university would allow America to be slapped in the face by such a hypocritical man who is simply trying to use the opportunity to make a mockery of the country. But then, after more thought, I kind of want to put him up on an American stage where anything can be asked of him and he will be forced to answer some very difficult questions. It will be a good chance to show him what free speech is all about; something that is severely lacking in Iran.

I still can't help but to wonder what his motive is here. I think I have it figured out, and I believe this is Ahmadinejad attempting to show the American people that he isn't such a bad guy and basically help to pull the wool over our eyes when it comes to the situation in Iran and the things that his country is getting itself involved in. He wants the American public to believe a farce so that we will further distrust our own government and vote in such a way as to attempt to get it to back off of his.

This is seriously dangerous with a man like Ahmadinejad, however, because he is an exceptional public speaker. I think it is fair to equate him to Hitler in this right....both men, evil geniuses, both men, excellent public speakers. (There is a reason they got to their positions in the first place). I think the American people, and the world, could easily be blinded by his rhetoric and fall victim to a false belief that America is entirely wrong and Iran is somehow right in any way. This frightens me simply because I do not want the American people to begin to lose sight of the human rights abuses happening within Iran and the complete suppression of the basics rights and freedoms of an entire people. Iran is more of a danger in its treatment of its own people than in the possibility of the state obtaining nuclear weapons, which to be quite honest, I'm beginning to believe it may not be.

I really think Iran is simply hungry for attention from the rest of the world and Ahmadinejad, in particular, is looking to be a big player in global governance. He wants the opportunity to sit with the big guys at the table and give his point of view on the world, which is why, even last year, he gave a rather well delivered speech at the UN as well. The thing that he needs to realize, however, is that if this is what he wants and what he wants for his country, it means playing like the global powers in how it deals with its citizens and the rest of the world. Holocaust denial doesn't work in this game, and neither does imprisonment of those who oppose you.

The one thing I will say, coming from this new perspective of mine, and particularly after being called out on it when discussing this with a friend of mine, is that the United States is no longer so innocent. After the Iraq debacle and everything else the government does a very good job of keeping under wraps, it may be time for us to look within ourselves when we criticize other states. Yes, Iran is wrong in most of what it does, and yes, Ahmadinejad is pretty much off his rocker, BUT the United States and its leaders have made some serious blunders in the last six years. I really think it is time for this country to get honest with itself if it expects the rest of the world to be honest and to give us any sort of respect. More than anything, we need to be ready to fess up to our mistakes and correct them so that we can move ahead in a better and more effective direction, giving our word more clout. This is something that Ahmadinejad's rhetoric should force our leaders to consider. Do we really want to be seen as another Iran in the eyes of the rest of the world? Or do we want to take on the direction of a truly great superpower and admit our wrongdoings?

Football....the unifier of the Middle East?

2007-09-19T15:41:00.000-05:00

I'm finding myself unable to focus on my work tonight, in part due to excitement, and in part due to the fact that I managed to bomb my first quiz in Arabic this morning. Granted, it was a pop quiz, and granted he was trying to make us suffer because a couple of us missed class yesterday, but still, I felt like I had somewhat failed myself. You would think this would force me to want to study more, and even though it does, I don't feel like it tonight. I'm excited about the trip up Mt. Sinai and Mt. Catherine this weekend as well as about my upcoming journey to Palestine. Its pretty much all I've been thinking about the last couple of days.

I did realize, however, that in my last post I forgot to talk about the soccer match I went to on Monday night. It was the two biggest rivals in Egypt, Zamalek (the team we cheered for since we're living here on Zamalek) and Ahly, going head to head. Apparently it was one of the biggest matches on the continent and they expected around 100,000 people to fill the stands. It wasn't quite that full, but it was still incredible when all was said and done. It was a great game, a bit frustrating because the refs kept making bad calls, but we had a fabulous time even though Zamalek lost.

I had been warned beforehand by the Egyptian guys we went with (one of whom is a friend from the States of my friend Amy who arranged this whole thing) that these teams are known for rioting and getting rowdy, but I didn't realize until the game was about to begin, how serious Egyptians are about their soccer. It is seriously like a second religion to the people here, and witnessing this firsthand helped me to understand why it was such a big deal when the Iraqi team won the Asia Cup a few months ago. It is a game that can seriously unify people who would never even think to look at one another otherwise and is also a game that can make people want to kill each other simply by association with another team.

In terms of rioting, we didn't see much. Simply some people getting a bit out of control, and scaring us a bit at one point when stuff started flying off an overpass as Zamalek fans stomped on an Ahly flag below. But during the game, when things were going well, everyone around us was slapping hands, cheering, and even hugging....perfect strangers! It was amazing really.

One of the things the Middle East lacks is cohesion and one particular thing to rally behind. Each group has its own "idol" or "leader" or its own set of ideas, which tends to pull the people here apart. We see this in Iraq, in Lebanon, everywhere over here really. Soccer gives them a common bond. In Iraq, Sunnis, Shiia, and Kurds were able to come together and rally behind their team. For a moment in the debilitating recent history of Iraq, the people found a common identity in the Iraqi soccer team and cheered them to victory. It was, of course, fleeting, but on Monday night, I understood why it even happened in the first place.

Falling in love with the Middle East

2007-09-18T16:31:00.000-05:00

So I've finally done it. I've finally, FINALLY, fallen in love with where I am. As I told a couple people this weekend after they saw my picture of me "kissing" the Sphinx, I am having a love affair with the Middle East. What did it for me, besides feeling more comfortable in my surroundings and with the people, was the chance to see the pyramids and the Sphinx this past weekend. For some reason, something clicked in me. This was what I had been waiting for. The adventure, the culture, the REAL Middle East. Not Cairo with its dirt and grime and pollution and wanna-be western attitude, but the real desert. I loved every second of my time at the pyramids and couldn't help, but dream of more excitement and adventure here.

I got home on Saturday afternoon and began making plans for my next big adventure.....a trip into Jerusalem and the West Bank over my October break from the 11th-15th. The plan isn't for fun and games, but to really see what I've been studying. I'm going in with my friend Trent who is with UN diplomatic security and he will be taking me through the West Bank to see the real stuff....the wall, the poverty of the occupation, the destruction, the "refugees," and everything else associated with the struggle of the Palestinians to overcome the illegal occupation of their land. It is going to be absolutely amazing. For the first time, I will truly bear witness to what has become my passion in the last 5 or 6 years. I cannot wait to be on the ground and see it with my own eyes and to be able to have the first hand experience that will help me in my career path. Who knows, maybe this will be the start of a 6' blonde bringing peace to the Middle East =)

This weekend I'm venturing to Mt. Sinai to hike up the mountain, stay at a historic monastery there, and then hike another mountain. We leave Thursday at 5 pm to arrive by midnight and begin our ascent up Mt. Sinai between 1 and 2 am. We'll make it to the top by sunrise and be able to watch it before heading back down to the St. Catherine monastery. There, we'll be relaxing and sleeping for awhile before heading up another mountain (the name escapes me at the moment). It is going to be amazing!!

This was what I REALLY wanted out of my trip here. To be able to experience everything. I've gotten my fill of Cairo and now its time to venture out and explore. I want to come home after being able to experience every aspect of the region possible and to be able to truly understand what is around me. It is the only way that I feel I can truly be successful in the long run with a career in the State Department since my focus is the Middle East. I need to know it inside and out if possible and this is simply the beginning of that journey for me.

A citizen of the world?

2007-09-13T17:29:00.000-05:00

I really need to update this more often and I promise I'm trying!!

This week seemed particularly tough for me, but has finally begun to turn around. I have come to find, as many people have been saying to me, that I need to try to let go of home and forget about what I'm missing in order to truly experience everything around me here. As difficult a city as Cairo is to live in at times, I am beginning to appreciate it and my experiences here more and more. I had a rather rough bout of homesickness and found myself on Skype with Jamie this week bawling like a baby. It was a combination of factors that kind of put me at my breaking point, but as I began to let them go as the week wore on, I've been much better and finally tonight, felt at home here.

The week started off on Sunday with classes as usual and progressed rather well until I hit Tuesday. As we all know, it was the anniversary of 9/11 and as difficult as it is for all Americans to be reminded of that day, to have to face it in a Middle Eastern country sent my mind into a bit of a tailspin. I was worried something would happen with all of the news reports coming out of Germany and Denmark as well as elsewhere, but that was only part of what made the day difficult for me. I found myself riding in a taxi to campus in the morning, with the driver blasting Arabic music, and wondering to myself how this region produced the carnage we saw six years ago. I have had such a love hate relationship with the Middle East since that day and then suddenly found myself in the heart of it and wondering how I should react. Part of me felt like the patriotic American wanting to hate the people around me for the feelings I had regarding that day, but then the rational, cultured, worldly part of me wanted simply to understand why it had happened, but I sat there without being able to find the answer as I drove through downtown Cairo. I was so torn in such an unusual way and I so desperately wanted to feel connected to home, but also wanted to delve deeper into the inner sanctum of the Middle East. Maybe none of this is making sense coming out in words, but my brain felt just as convoluted as my language here. It was weird.

There were some other aspects of my week that helped to bring the onslaught of homesickness, but I'd rather put them aside and see them simply as the juvenile aspects of being trapped with a bunch of bored college students in a country they don't truly know how to react to or enjoy fully.

That aside, when I found myself opening up to the idea of being a resident here this week, as I took my passport to the office to receive my resident visa, I let my guard down and let go of home a bit. Tonight was the culmination of that when I went to dinner with some wonderful friends here. We went to a great Lebanese restaurant downtown and ate and smoked sheesha and talked politics and international affairs and life. The different perspectives converged to remind me yet again why I'm here. I came not only to learn a language, but to understand a culture and a people so different from what I'm used to in order to be able to simply begin to analyze the reason the region impacts the world as it does. For an instant, I felt at home. When I say at home, however, I feel as though now I'm beginning to see the world as my home. It is as though the world is slowly becoming my home. I have been saying that in the future I want to see myself as a citizen of the world as well as the United States, and I started to truly feel that tonight. I let Cairo, and Egypt, and the Middle East, and the world in tonight and felt at home and content.

That feeling is really comforting after doubting at points this week that the Foreign Service was the right track for me. I found myself analyzing the current state of things in the world among other intellectuals tonight from all different backgrounds and felt comfortable and happy. Then the prospect of further travel came up and I got excited and I remembered how I felt as we drove through the desert two weeks ago. I love this adventure and being immersed in a culture and learning all that I can. Then to be able to apply that to my beliefs about the world and my understanding of things and to open my mind and soul to it all is amazing. Maybe this is how one feels when they truly begin to describe themselves as a global citizen. I hope that is the direction this experience is taking me.

A much needed break from the city that can bring you down in the sunshine

2007-09-08T06:25:00.000-05:00

So I owe everyone an update I guess. I've been insanely busy this week and that's a good part of why I haven't updated, but I also have been kind of homesick this weekend and trying not to think about what everyone back home should hear, simply because it makes me miss it.

Last weekend I went on a trip to El Gouna, a resort on the Red Sea across from Sharm El Sheikh and it was amazing. I had a blast and met some incredible people. We all really bonded which was great, since now we spend the majority of our time together. We're all very different, but have a lot of fun together, so its great. While we were there we just lounged on the beach and by the pool and enjoyed the resort night life, which consisted of us taking over an empty karaoke bar and dancing til the wee hours. It was a very much needed break from the hustle, bustle, and filth of Cairo that can very easily get you down. It doesn't rain here, so there are no dreary days, but the city itself will bring you down if you aren't careful.

Anyway, the weekend ended with a 7 hour escorted bus ride through the desert and back to Cairo. Due to security concerns we had an army/tourism police escort the entire way. It was kind of crazy and I kept having flashbacks to that movie Babel in between thoughts of what my friends feel like driving around Iraq....minus the IEDs and RPGs. It was a little scary, but exciting as well. I actually kind of enjoyed driving through the vast desert.

This week we started classes, and honestly, as much work as it will be, I'm really enjoying them and excited to be able to learn Arabic. I was considering staying for a year early in the week, simply because I really want to become fluent and I was also finally beginning to feel comfortable here, but then I got homesick this weekend, so we'll see how the next couple of months go.

Cairo is an interesting city and Egypt is an incredible country, but it also wears you down. You begin to miss a lot of the comforts of home besides your family and friends and then you start to miss the simplest of things....like not being harassed as you walk down the street....being able to take a big deep breath and not choke on the pollution.....being able to hang out with your guy friends without everyone assuming something more is going on and being scolded as a result....being able to just do what you want without worrying about what everyone else around you is thinking or going to do about it. I miss the freedom of America and the West in general. You don't have it here....especially as a student resident. There's always someone watching.

The most surreal moment of peace

2007-08-31T14:25:00.000-05:00

I ventured around Cairo today with my new friend Nour, who is an Egyptian living here in Cairo. At the end of my little tour he took me up to Azhar Park to watch the sunset and I was breath taken by the beauty of the park on the outskirts of the city. It wasn't until the sun actually set, however, that I was absolutely blown away.

Right after the sun sets, the call to prayer can be heard across the city on any given day, but it is something I rarely hear in Zamalek because of all of the noise and the fact that there is no major mosque on the island. The call to prayer lasts just a moment, but then the prayers that follow last for about 15 minutes and are called out to all of the Muslims of Cairo.

There are honestly no words to describe what I witnessed at this point today on the hill in Azhar Park. It began very slowly and quietly and as the sun dipped further below the horizon, the prayer erupted over the entire city. It sliced through the peace and quiet of the park, calling all of the faithful in Cairo. It was absolutely beautiful. Once all of the mosques were sounding the call to prayer, I began to cry. This incredible sense of peace and calm came over me. It was a spiritual moment like no other. To hear the words of faith for millions echoing over the skyline was simply incredible. I could not help, but to wonder how so many people can fear a religion, which simply by sounding a few words across an entire city in unison can bring so much peace to my soul. It was the first time I was able to look out over a city, and find it beautiful, simply because of what I was hearing.

I seriously think that last paragraph did absolutely no justice to what I felt as I stood there after watching the sun set and heard this. Nour kept saying I looked so peaceful and in awe, and that is exactly how I felt. The hairs stood up on the back of my neck and I cried. It was incredibly moving, especially to hear it with the Citadel to my left, the Muqatam Mount, and a view of Old Cairo and all of its mosques in front of me. It was absolutely surreal....

Video of it here....
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8691610386800783502&hl=en

Did someone prove a stereotype correct to me today?

2007-08-30T15:05:00.000-05:00

This afternoon while walking down the 26th of July Street with my friend Steph, I was horribly disturbed by the actions of a couple of men. I was wearing a knee length sundress and a cardigan, trying to be conservative, as I usually am, when I passed a guard outside of the Army Club. I have gotten used to the stares and the occasional comments of "jameela," or "beautiful" in English, but nothing prepared me for the ambush I was about to experience. I ignored the guard's comments, but as I walked past, he started shouting something down the street and these two men walking towards Steph and I start laughing and one of them points to my legs and starts yelling "Sexy!! Sex!! Give me sex!!" and other horrible things like that IN ENGLISH! I completely ignored it, but was shocked, appalled, and completely thrown off kilter. I was horrified and embarrassed and felt like half a woman.

When I first got here, I had a similar feeling in general simply because of the way men looked at me, but this was over the top and seriously shook me. In the States I would have cursed and screamed back at the man, but here, all I could do was hang my head in shame for fear of more ridicule. It was awful. I honestly wonder if they just treat American women that way because they think we're loose or if they behave that way toward the majority of females. That thought completely disturbs me, especially since I have met a few men here who have been exceptionally pleasant, but the incident does leave me wondering, and bothered me more so than it should have because I was always the one yelling at people in the States when they said people in the Arab world treated women horribly and as if they were sub-human. I always thought this was an enormous generalization, and although I knew it occurred in some places, I didn't think it was the norm, but in their own way, many of the men here have showed me that they do not put women on a pedestal as I believed, but see us, or at least American women, as objects they can use for their fantasies.

I truly hope this is one stereotype that does not prove itself entirely correct.

Finally....the first real update on Cairo!!

2007-08-30T06:15:00.000-05:00

I arrived here and was pretty much in utter shock from the second the plane flew in off the Mediterranean and over the Nile delta. This place is absolutely nothing like anything I have ever seen before and has overwhelmed all of my senses from the start. I am absolutely positive that this experience will change my life forever and will leave me a completely different person.

I was fortunate enough to meet a lovely Egyptian businessman on the plane who talked to me all about Cairo and explained what I was seeing as we flew over. He even was so kinda as to ensure that I found the person who was supposed to meet me at the airport and wish me a pleasant stay before he left. That was my first encounter with the hospitality here. Honestly, everyone thinks of the Middle East and thinks of American hating Islamists, but I have been greeted, for the most part, with nothing but kindness and curiosity.

After walking out of the airport, I was stunned by the heat and the sunlight and the vast desert that surrounded me. Cairo and the area surrounding are not exactly what I would call beautiful, but very interesting regardless of the fact that everything can be described as old, dirty, and polluted. (This now being the most polluted city on the planet.) The driving is insane and within the first hour of my stay in Cairo, I thought I was going to die a number of times. The people have an absolute disregard for any sort of driving laws or rules of the road and just do their thing....with the horn being a major means of communication....especially with the overzealous taxi drivers.

Once I made it onto the island of Zamalek, where I'll be living for the next four months, I was stunned by the fact that I was able to find something in Cairo that I found to be beautiful. The island is home to twenty-five or so embassies as well as the home of the son of President Mubarak. Because of this, there is also a ton of security, and as of two weeks ago, mostly one way streets, which does a very good job of confusing taxi drivers.

I was overwhelmed when I first got to the dorms because after checking my bags and bringing me up to my room, they threw the bags down, closed the door, and left me. I had no idea what to do or who to talk to or anything. No roommate, no itinerary, no money, no nothing. I wanted so badly to break down in tears from exhaustion, fear, and thoughts I had made a huge mistake, but I held it in and tried to get unpacked and meet some people, which I was fortunate enough to do. That night I ended up doing the most un-Egyptian thing ever, but something I needed to do....I went to the Marine party at the American Embassy. It was a little slice of home when the only way I could describe how I was feeling to anyone was "overwhelmed." (I used that word, or some variation of it, more times in the first 3 days than I have in my entire life)

Over the next few days I tried to get out and was able to venture over to the City Stars mall which is ENORMOUS and was for the upper class Egyptians only...as you could tell by the prices...very much like America. It was shocking to me since everything here is dirt cheap. I've been able to eat a three course meal for as little as 10 US dollars which is about 50 Egyptian pounds. The exchange rate here is AMAZING! A big change from Europe which ate my wallet this summer. Taxi rides downtown are under a dollar and the only thing that I was shocked at with a high price was the lone Starbucks or two I've been able to find.....a place Egyptians regard with disdain and contempt....as they feel it is a tool of the Zionists......but the coffee is exactly the same....and the same price too.....24 Egyptian pounds buys you a roughly $4 frappuccino....and a slice of heaven when homesick =)

Last night was the big adventure over to this uber chic lounge on the Nile for the upwardly mobile Cairainese.....the neuveau rich per say. It was called Sequoia and while there I even saw a man I believe could have been part of Middle Eastern royalty by the way he was dressed. This "expensive" place boasted 55 pound tequila and 160 pound bottles of wine ($11 tequila and $32 wine) as well as shisha and amazing food. I enjoyed my night smoking cheap shisha (hooka or tobacco for those of you who don't know....no worries....not pot!!), sharing two bottles of wine with a few people, and enjoying hommos and a brownie sundae type deal....all for 40USD!!!! It was amazing! For a place like that in New York, I would have easily dropped $200 for all that I enjoyed. Its fabulous living here!! haha

This weekend I'm venturing off to the Red Sea and hopefully enjoying myself with some people from the Arabic Language Institute at AUC (the actual program I'm studying in). I'm excited and looking forward to being able to breathe fresh air for a weekend, since here, there's always an "interesting" smell in the air and smog as thick as pea soup in the morning. I think my lungs could use a break.

The one thing that has been truly eye opening for me here thus far though is the poverty and the income level of average Egyptians. I will NEVER again feel sorry for a "poor" American. They don't know true poverty and are seriously lucky. The people here make nothing when they work and those who are poor, truly have nothing, and no hope for much of anything either. The government doesn't help, they can't climb a ladder because there isn't one....they are truly forgotten. Its depressing and sad seeing them. I think it is also a true warning to us as Americans to be careful. This is what happens when a society has no middle class. It falls apart. There is so much about the society here that needs to be changed and fixed, and I am not talking about culture, but political issues and social issues that we as Americans couldn't imagine. There is no middle class here, and as a result, no one to control the government because the rich pay for whatever they want or need and the poor can do nothing about it.....even with their "votes." There is a strong disdain for President Bush here, but even more so, a very quiet disdain for Mubarak....although no Egyptian will speak freely about those feelings.....simply sarcastic comments about how wonderful he and his government are. I'm really looking forward to learning more about it because I am bearing witness to a crumbling system here and I'm wondering if an understanding of this may not be a key to unlocking what is crippling the Middle East as a whole.

The Pharoah's Revenge

2007-08-28T07:40:00.000-05:00

Is probably the worst thing that could ever happen to a human being. Welcome to food poisoning.....via the Middle East. It could have been the water I drank three days ago, the salad I ate yesterday, or simply from standing in the shower....but whatever it is.....I think I'm dying. Hence the lack of update from the sandbox. I was going to update today, but it seems as though all I'll be able to manage is a short paragraph explaining how my gastrointestinal system is rejecting my body or maybe my body is rejecting it? Either way, I wouldn't wish this kind of illness on my worst enemy. So, here I am. Live from bed.....truly experiencing the Middle East.....its like my own little slice of heaven.....

(Please note the obvious saracasm)

Stop #1....success!

2007-08-24T01:03:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in Frankfurt Airport waiting for my connection to Cairo and my stomach is still churning. I didn't sleep much on the flight partially because I had noisey kids behind me and partially because of nerves. I'm excited and worried and overwhelmed and sad and happy and pretty much every emotion all at once. Its simply overwhelming and a huge adventure that is already putting me rather far outside of my easy comfort zone. Although, that's not something that scares me because I'm used to being forced out of the comfort zone and I typically cope rather well. I give the leadership programs I did in HS a lot of credit for making it easy for me to adjust, especially to new people, pretty quickly. I just hope this entire experience lives up to my expectations and surpasses them as well. Its going to be one hell of a challenge to focus entirely on Arabic for the semester, but hopefully being immersed in it and forced to use it to function on the streets of Cairo will motivate me even more. I'm kind of sad that I won't be studying about and writing on my IR topics, but I think I can manage with all of the books I brought. (They made even my carry on overweight haha) More than anything though, I do hope this is yet another life changing experience for me and quite honestly, I can't imagine it would be anything less.

Packing = hell

2007-08-20T10:37:00.001-05:00

I have come to the conclusion that packing is officially the bane of my existence. It downright sucks. I am three days away from leaving and my entire living room is COVERED in clothing, shoes, bags, etc., etc. Its ridiculous. I took a break and sat on the floor amidst it all and thought to myself "I need to cut this in half." Then I fell over in exhaustion and realized I'm pretty much out of my mind. How do people do this?? Trying to stuff four months worth of stuff into TWO 50 pound bags is virtually impossible for me. But then, maybe that says something rather negative about me too. Am I too materialistic? I found it comical, however, that the AUC handbook for international students essentially told me I should be well dressed as those who are not are seen as "lower class" or "commoners." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that whole thought process went out with the corset. Regardless, it has me thinking very carefully about what I'm bringing because of course, I still want to fit in. I've also been very conscious of the hemlines and shirt-lines of my clothes since I seriously don't want to offend anyone or draw unwanted attention to myself. Hopefully I'm making the right choices.

The real countdown begins

2007-08-14T21:57:00.000-05:00

I am eight days away from leaving for the biggest trip of my life thus far and I am completely and utterly overwhelmed. I go from being insanely excited and happy to being stressed beyond belief about getting everything together before I leave and seeing everyone as well. I'm leaving for four months and you'd think I was going away forever with all of this preparation and everything. Its just.....overwhelming. There's no better word to describe it.

I mean, don't get me wrong here, I'm excited beyond belief....the process of leaving is just getting to me a bit. I can't wait to get over there. Of course I have my fears and doubts, but overall, I just cannot wait to be immersed in the culture I've now been studying for years and to be able to learn the language and really communicate with the people. To see things from a completely different perspective is a major part of this entire experience for me. I find too many times that we as Americans are too sheltered and too stuck in our own ways to try to understand why many of the things we're experiencing are happening and this is one of my chances to see that.

Something I have not yet announced to everyone and something I'm also not holding my breath on is that I may be going to Iraq while I'm in the Middle East. Sadly I won't be venturing into Baghdad or Anbar, and I say sadly only because I feel almost wimpy for not being able to do that when a number of my friends have done so serving our country, but I may have the opportunity to head to the Kurdish region, particularly a town called Erbil. The idea was entirely mine, but is going to be made possible by a good friend of mine who works in diplomatic security with the UN. So long as the situation does not deteriorate to a point where it is excessively dangerous for me to head in, I will be flying into Erbil and staying for a few days. I'm hoping it will be my chance to see what's going on over there. This is something I've been reading about, studying about, and writing about for years now....this entire war.....and this would be my opportunity to get a firsthand look at a portion of it and some of its successes. I most importanly want the chance to talk to the people and get a true understanding of what they think, believe, and feel, particularly about the presence of the United States. The Kurdish region is the rare success story in Iraq, and mainly that is due to the fact that despite the religious differences, the people of the region have a common Kurdish identity, but I want to know if this is truly what is behind the success. I will have the opportunity to meet with local leaders and I hope to talk to them more about all of this. Given that this will eventually be something I have to deal with in my diplomatic career, I feel as though it is vital for me to begin to have a real and true understanding of the situation so I can help to influence a policy that will work for us over there.

I kind of see the opportunity of going to Iraq as a proving ground for me as well. If I can handle such a situation it will show me a lot about my career path and hopefully will give me a bit more clout in the future. I know it isn't that big of a deal, but to essentially go to Iraq on my own accord in order to learn more only goes to show how serious I am about my future and what I want to accomplish. My father tells me I'm going to change the world. A Georgetown professor told me I am going to do great things. Here's my opportunity to begin that process.

The end of the beginning

2007-07-13T15:03:00.000-05:00

Its 10:03 and I'm sitting here in my hotel room after our closing dinner, looking out the window onto the eastern part of Berlin and Germany beyond and all I can sit here and think is that I wish it weren't over. This entire experience has been a challenge for me in many ways. Being away from friends, family, home, and the comforts I'm used to has been tough, but also being gone for four weeks with the same 9 people who have clashing personalities at times has also been part of it. But I truly think this whole thing has been incredible and even though I may not have appreciated it as much as I should have as it was happening, stopping for a moment now and thinking back, I know it was a trip that will once again shape my life.

My first trip to Germany truly changed my life, and at 14, shaped who I am today. That was six years ago, and almost entirely for pleasure. This time, it was "business," so to speak, and I'm a "grown" (mind you, that's in quotations for a reason) woman who is at the cusp of her future....the second half of college, the beginnings of a career. I saw my trip in completely different eyes and with a perspective of what it had been like 6 years ago.

I have learned so much in the field of security and particularly how it relates to society and to transatlantic relations overall, but I have also learned things that had nothing to do with the particular subject matter. I have learned how to be more independent. How to deal with all different types of people and in a way, have worked on my diplomatic skills. (More so when having to bite my tongue or deal with a serious disagreement than anything else.) I have learned how much I love to travel, or really, more so re-enforced that fact. As much as I hate to fly, I love being in a foreign country, surrounded by the most interesting of peoples and histories and cultures. Its an incredible, indescribeable feeling for me. It is something that re-enforces how much I want to pursue the career I have been wanting since I was a sophomore in high school. I truly want to be a foreign service officer more than anything and to have people here tell me that's where I'm heading and to feel in my heart how much I love to be abroad and engaging in dialogue with others is the affirmation of this. To know that experiences this incredible could someday make a difference in the world, when I'm given the opportunity to meet with other diplomats and heads of state on a peer-to-peer level instead of on a student to teacher level, and truly engage in discussions that will shape the future is so incredible. All I want to do in my life is make the world a better place for people to live in and to be able to strengthen relations between countries, and who knows....maybe someday bring about world peace. Wishful thinking of course, but I'm at least going to try to start with peace in the Middle East and maybe better trans-Atlantic relations first. =)

Overall, it has been amazing. I have been so homesick at times of course, but now I find myself not even wanting to leave. Its such a surreal feeling.....so odd. I'm so happy, yet so sad, and so......everything. Simply overwhelmed by the thoughts and feelings rushing through my head right now. I keep stoping to look out the window and think about what the main Georgetown professor who was here tonight said to me as we said goodbye...."You're going to do great things." Such a simple sentence, but something that means so much to me to hear from someone like that. I hear it every now and then from all of the right people and I know I'm going in the right direction. I know I'm doing what I should be doing and I honestly could not be more excited at this moment than I am about everything I am about to embark upon, especially with my upcoming trip to Egypt. I said from the beginning that this was going to be the most incredible 6 months of my life, and to be quite honest, it will only be the most incredible 6 months of my life thus far because I have so much more to do, to see, and to accomplish. This is only the beginning.

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On a sidenote, I would like to share the one quote I have been holding with me through much of this program due to the relationships between the people here and the issues we have faced on our own and as a group......"Don't try to fit in when you were born to stand out." Such a simple quote, but something that continued to run through my mind when I felt like the outsider or the youngin' here. I'm not meant to fit in by any means, and I know why.....because I'm meant for great things.....to do great things and truly make a difference in this world.....to stand out.....never to fit in....

The evolution of a city

2007-07-09T15:48:00.000-05:00

I need to begin this post by saying that one officially becomes sick of living in a hotel when one has to do their laundry in the tiny sink in order to have a clean pair of jeans and eat mini bar peanuts when they get hungry at 11:00 at night......thats when you miss your kitchen and the convenience of having at least a large sink, bathtub, or washing machine to wash a pair of pants. This is kinda when hotel living loses its appeal......8 days into it.

Anyway, aside from being ready to come home simply because I'm getting tired of living in a hotel, things are good. I have had my moments of homesickness and more so because I'm stuck with the same 9 people 24/7 and I need a break now and then, than anything else. Berlin has been wonderful and a lot different from what I remember of it six years ago. Its really interesting how much our perspectives change and how much one city can change in six years. Berlin is rare though because it is ever evolving since its a new city in a way. Since the reunification, so much had to change and it continues to change and build all of the time. From my last visit in 2001 until now, parts of the city are completely and utterly different. The number one example of this is Potsdamer Platz which has gone from practically nothing when I was here last to this HUGE thing they call the Sony Center which is a hideous monstrosity that looks more like downtown Tokyo than Berlin or Germany. I think that is the one sad thing about Berlin in particular....the fact that everything is being built up in this modern way that really does not fit the character of Germany. Its just odd.

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Picking up where I left off after falling asleep at my keyboard last night....
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So the ever evolving city has been fun. We did the whole club scene thing twice...one night last week and once this weekend and it was slightly crazy to say the least. Very different from the US and you pretty much come out smelling like an ash tray since they won't ban smoking inside until September. It was fun though and a nice break from the seriousness of everything else we've been doing.

Aside from the basic and the fun, we've been busy in sessions of course. Last week we spent an afternoon meeting with a parliamentarian and were given an exclusive tour of the Reichstag which was awesome. We got the all access tour essentially and also got a feel for German politics, which are far far left of those in the US. The word "Republican" had a rather negative connotation here and I came to find out they're essentially associated with neo-Nazis here.....never again will I tell a German I'm a Republican without explaining it in depth.

We also went to see the some of the remains of the Berlin Wall and did a small tour on the 4th of July which was interesting. We, being mostly Americans, couldn't help but see a small significance in being there on the 4th since it was our independence day and being at a wall that signified so much divide and at its falling symbolized a new beginning for Berlin and for Germany as it became truly independent of its occupiers.

This week has been the best thus far of our time in Berlin, and its only Tuesday. Yesterday we had a lecture on Muslim relations in Germany that turned into a rather interesting discussion of the different ways Americans and Europeans see the separation of church and state as well as intigration of immigrants. It was amazing to me to see that despite all of the debate going on at home that we treat our immigrants a million times better than they do here. It seems almost impossible for immigrants here, particularly Muslims, to intigrate into society comfortably without giving up a great deal of their culture and what makes them unique. (I'll reference the issue of the head scarf in schools in France here) It made me kind of wonder what everyone is bitching about in the US. At least there we allow immigrants to become citizens....here....its hard as hell! As much as we discussed all of this though, and as appaulled as I was at times with the lack of intigration here, I also could see it from the other side. Immigrants should give up a bit of their culture or at least accept and embrace most of the culture of their new country....language being a big one here. I don't care what religion you want to practice, or what food you want to eat, or how you want to dress, but at least speak the language!

After this discussion we had a session on conflict and negotiation that I thought was amazing and had wished it went longer. He was only able to cover the basics, but went into communicating effectively and how much this impacts mediation. He also went into this interesting exercise in trying to solve problems. He gave us 9 dots arranged in a 3 x 3 square and asked us to connect them all using 4 straight lines, 3 straight lines, and then 1.....the hint to the solution was "think outside the box." I would give the answer, but I don't want to in case I decide to show the trick to anyone reading this. It was all just fascinating to me and made me think about my prospective career and what I'm considering for grad school which is a concentration in conflict and negotiation.

Anyway, I do believe this post has gotten long enough and I need to do a few things before bed, so I'll update more tomorrow or before I hit the hay....still need to talk about the visit to the Polish border today and finally the State Department from 2 weeks ago haha

The dividing line

2007-07-01T14:30:00.000-05:00

Well all, I'm in Berlin!

Here's the en masse email I sent out to anyone I had an email address for (leave yours if you didn't get this please!!)......

Guten Tag von Berlin!!

Hey everyone! I've made it to Berlin safe and sound and am sitting in my hotel....one of the tallest buildings in the city and I'm on the 14th floor! Not too much of a view, but its in the famous Alexanderplatz and is right next to the TV tower (fehrnsehntun....may have spelled that wrong as its been 6 years since I've used my German). The flight here was rather miserable as I was stuck next to a fat Russian guy who kept trying to hit on me the entire flight while taking up half of my seat. Then, upon landing, a man had a seizure right before we touched down in Amsterdamn and the woman next to him let out a blood curdling scream, scaring everyone half to death. He was alright though and my flight from Amsterdam to Berlin was much less eventful.

Berlin is much different than I remember, but more of what I should have seen it as 6 years ago upon my first visit. I forgot how much more development Berlin still needs and how trapped in the Cold War East Berlin still is. Its quite odd. I did pass by the Dom am Berlin on my way to the hotel, though, and the memories of my first trip came rushing back. I really can't wait to start venturing around the sites here again. The first time I was here was when I first became aware of the world around me and now I'm seeing it all from a very different, more global perspective, so I'm excited to see what type of impression it will leave.

Anyway, I'm paying for internet so I don't want to make this too long, but I will definitely be checking mail and will update the blog soon. Just wanted to let you all know I made it safely. Miss everyone very much!!

Love always,
Julia

I know I still need to update about the rest of DC and especially the State Department visit, but I figured I'd at least get a Berlin blog up before I got into all of that. I just got back from dinner and walking around actually, and forced my friends to do traditional German for dinner. =) I had wurst and sauerkraut and of course a beer. It was great! I also got a chance to practice my German and a bit and have been doing rather well for not having spoken in 6 years.

Thus far I've had a very different impression of Berlin than I did the first time I was here. I was struck then by the contrast between the new and the old as a result of WWII and the reconstruction of the city and the Cold War situation as well, but now, with a better understanding of what went on and why I notice things a lot more. My first impression of the area I'm in is that it was obviously East Berlin and is entirely stuck in that time from the outside. The building we're in, for example, is straight out of communist era East Berlin, but the inside is completely new and beautiful....clean lines....neat and well put together like you'd expect from the Germans. I honestly was wondering where the Stasi were when I first saw this building and the buildings around it. Its like this city will never escape its past. It tried to rebuild "new" after WWII, hence the modern buildings and loss of much of the historical beauty most other German and European cities enjoy, but then you have the remnants of communism and East Berlin and the all too obvious line that separated East and West. Its a really interesting thing to witness, and I would write a ton more about it if the jet-lag weren't finally kicking in.

More tomorrow for sure and an update on the end of the DC program as well! Hope everyone is doing wonderfully! Miss you all entirely too much!!

I'm officially published!!

2007-06-26T20:07:00.000-05:00

I'm extremely excited to say that my report has FINALLY been published!! I broke the news to most people yesterday, but in case you didn't get the email, here's the link: http://www.centerforunreform.org/node/266

It is a report on the role and perspective of the US in management reform at the UN and it took me most of the semester to put together and edit up. Its rather short, but took a lot of research and time on top of my classes, but I'm very happy with it. It has gone out to a whole bunch of delegations and other NGOs and interested parties so I'm nervous to hear the feedback, but thus far, it has all been good.

So feel free to read and leave feedback on here if you'd like. It is a little dry and difficult to comprehend if you don't know much about the UN, but its still an important piece in the work that the NGO I interned with does. So enjoy!

P.S. I'll update about DC in a bit =)

Reaffirming my path...

2007-06-23T19:40:00.000-05:00

Alright so I know the last post was slightly disappointing, and for that I appologize. I've found this experience a bit hard to adjust to simply because it has not lived up to my expectations. I expected to be truly challenged while doing a security studies program here at Georgetown, and I have yet to be, although it has gotten progressively better.

The last couple of days were interesting, with the exception of Friday. Wednesday we had a lecture in the morning that I found myself running in and out of because of a mishap with a bottle of water emptying out in my bag, so I felt kind of bad, but everyone seemed slightly bored by the lecture regardless. That afternoon, though, we had two site visits which were both great. The first was to the Center for Strategic and International Studies, which was just really interesting because the woman was truly insightful and was able to answer everyone's questions interestingly and with a lot of personal insight. I asked a question about the future of the relationship between the US and Great Britain with Gordon Brown coming in as the new Prime Minister, replacing Bush's buddy, Tony Blair. I wanted to know how this would change the British presence in Iraq, if at all, and if Brown would shy away from such a tight relationship with the Bush administration in order to appease his constituents. The answer was that it seems as though nothing will change in the near future, although when Gen. Petraeus comes out with his report in September, it will be the deciding factor for what Brown ends up doing. According to the woman I was asking, if that report is negative, there is a good chance that British troop levels will be brought down further, but she did not believe they would pull troops altogether.

After our visit to CSIS, we went to the Washington Institute for Near East Policy where I was pretty much disgusted by the way the man we spoke with acted. He was very unprofessional and even rude at times and although I asked a rather provocative question given his organization, he seemed angered and tried to make me feel as though I was not educated in the topic, which is far from the case. I asked a question regarding whether or not the Washington Institute somewhat glossed over the attrocities committed against the Palestinians in an attempt to further the US's and the Institute's pro-Israeli stance, and he was NOT happy about me asking this question. At one point even insinuating that I was pro-Hamas which could not be further from the truth. So regardless, it was an interesting lesson in how NOT to act and how biased and blind some think tanks can be.

Thursday was my favorite day thus far as we had a fantastic lecture in the morning (A Historical Overview of American Security Policy) with a great professor. The lecture really interested me because I have found many times that people overlook historical ties entirely too much, and in doing so, tend to repeat mistakes that could have been completely avoided (i.e. Iraq - British occupation post WWI and now), so it was really interesting to go through and make links to a lot of security strategies that have been used. The professor was also very engaging and was easy to ask questions of and discuss things with which is always a breath of fresh air, especially after the arrogance I've encountered here thus far.

That afternoon we went to Capitol Hill and sat in on a Senate Foreign Relations meeting where they were interviewing 4 new ambassadors for confirmation. It was really neat and Barack Obama was chairing it so it was definitely rather cool that we got to see him. I couldn't help, but sit there and think to myself though, that I cannot wait for that to be me awaiting confirmation as the next ambassador to wherever. It was one of those moments that I love, where you are able to reaffirm how much you want something. Funny thing is, I felt so comfortable in that building, walking through the halls, and then sitting in this meeting. It wasn't even a matter of comfort, but just a feeling that I belonged there. That I belonged in government and that it seriously could be me behind any of the microphones in the room someday. (I haven't entirely ruled out a career in politics just yet)

Friday was a rather pointless day, and I was also sick, which didn't help the situation. I was, however, proud of myself for sucking it up and still sitting in and participating in the site visits. Again, another test for me in terms of how much I'm willing to suffer through in order to do what I need to do.

Overall, so far, I don't feel as though I have learned all that much that is new, but I have gained interesting and different perspectives on many things. One of my favorite questions to ask people, on our site visits in particular, is how they feel about a particular issue or how they see it panning out, and getting the different ideas and viewpoints from each expert as it helps me to form my own opinion. I'm learning more about what I want out of my career as well and what I would see as fulfilling or not. I've also reaffirmed my career path and have been encouraged even further by the comments that have come from my peers. A few of the other students here have told me that they could easily see me in the diplomatic field, as I'm knowledgeable and also well spoken. I've seemed to have taken the lead for the most part here, and that comment was as a result of that. So we'll see, maybe on Wednesday while at the State Department, I'll be able to wow someone into a job =)

Day 2

2007-06-19T20:40:00.001-05:00

I'm on day two at Georgetown and things are improving. I have to say, I was not impressed by day one very much, but it seems as though people are getting more into the groove now and its getting more interesting. I got down here Sunday and soaked in just being at Georgetown and tried to get to know the 12 people in my program (i.e. I started banging on doors around 7:30 to get people to go to dinner).

Yesterday was our first real day and our session in the morning was pretty much a simple introduction to American politics and the system here, which somewhat bored me since I've been in the thick of it for a few years now. It seems to me that much of the beginning of this program is a basic overview, but I'm hoping we'll delve deeper as the weeks progress. In the afternoon we went to the International Spy Museum which was interesting, but I've been before so I was slightly bored by it.

Today our first lecture was on security issues in Asia, and was again, pretty much an overview of the topic. The person was from the Stimson center and was very intelligent, but was focused on Japan and couldn't give us as much information on topics that I feel are more important to Asian security (i.e. North Korea and China's rising power and influence), which was slightly disappointing. In the afternoon we went to the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, which I was relatively impressed by and enjoyed due to the fact that the man who spoke to us at our round table discussion was essentially an expert on Iran and nuclear proliferation so it was interesting to hear what he had to say regarding how we deal with the crisis. I was glad that the first thing he said was that the United States needs to take the military option off the table because 1) it can't happen and 2) Iran will still feel as though the U.S. is slightly bluffing even if we take it off the table so they will still see it as a threat. He also talked about the fact that the U.S. needs to be more open to talks with Iran on every level which I agree with completely because it is the only way a diplomatic solution will be reached in this case. Although, we do have to tread carefully and ensure that we still have the upper hand and that Iran knows to take us very seriously.

After the Carnegie Endowment, we came back here for a lecture by the head of the security studies program here at Georgetown, and although I'm sure he was very knowlegdeable, I was yet again, unimpressed because it was a basic overview. It was interesting material of course, but I expected to be challenged more than I'm being right now, which is frustrating to me because I came into this program with such high expectations. It is improving and I believe that it will continue to do so, but you expect something specific from a school like Georgetown with such a reputation and when it doesn't deliver, you're more disappointed than usual.

I'm leaving on a jet plane....

2007-06-16T09:51:00.001-05:00

Well, not quite. I leave for Georgetown tomorrow and have all of today set aside for packing. I'm completely overwhelmed by the fact that its finally here, but overwhelmed in the most fabulous way! I said my final goodbyes to my friends that I could see before I left, and now the reality of it is setting in. My livingroom looks like a closet with clothes hanging from anything and everything in preparation for the massive packing job I have ahead of me.

I am beyond excited though, to the point where there are few words I could use to explain my feelings that would do enough justice to the excitement. The next six months are going to be some of the most incredible in my life, and they begin tomorrow when I arrive at Georgetown.

Of course I'm ridiculously prepared and even though I was told there was no prep work involved, I took it upon myself to read up and caught the last couple issues of The Economist, TIME, and Foreign Affairs, and am still working on the National Security Strategy. I felt that I would be doing my self a disservice to do anything less considering on Wednesday George Tenet is teaching a class and on Friday we visit the State Department and the Pentagon. That's the part of this entire experience that has me practically bouncing off the walls with excitement.....the State Department! Everytime I'm in DC I go over to the Harry S. Truman building and walk around it because I've never been able to go inside, but this time, I actually get to go in and meet with State Department officials. That is amazing. =)

To me this is not only a simple learning experience, but it is preparation for what my entire life will consist of. I want to work for the State Department. Always have and always will. And this is the first time I will truly be exposed to the inner workings, particularly the security aspect, and it will also be the first time that I travel such a distance on my own. I go from here to DC, to Berlin, to DC, and back, which to me, is going to almost be proof of my independence, my maturity, and the fact that I could someday handle the State Department shipping me off with not much notice to a foreign country for an extended period of time. This is the beginning of the test to show myself that this is the perfect career for me.

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As an aside from the post, I wanted to thank everyone for taking such an interest in my life to read this and for all of the kind words and encouragement I have received about Georgetown and Cairo. It is amazing to know I have so many people behind me and I am so grateful for that. So, thank you. =)

The beginning of a great adventure....

2007-06-03T20:52:00.000-05:00

I've created this blog as a way to record the adventures I am about to embark upon. If you're reading this, you should know who I am, although I am aware that anyone in the world can access this. So, here's a bit of vague biographical information in case you're curious....

I'm a 3rd year undergraduate student studying diplomacy and international relations with a concentration in the Middle East and a minor in Arabic. I aspire to be the next Condoleezza Rice, or at least work my way up through the ranks within the State Department as high as I can go. I have a passion for foreign affairs and politics and truly want to change the world some day. Until then, I'm venturing off to DC and Berlin this summer to partake in a security studies program for four weeks total before heading to Cairo, Egypt at the end of August to study Arabic for the fall semester.

I have entitled this blog "The Road Less Traveled" as I feel my entire life has been about taking the road less traveled and when trying to come up with a creative name, the first thing that came to mind was Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken." More than anything, I think the travels I plan on blogging about here fit this perfectly because most 20 year olds don't give up a month of their summer to spend the time doing a security studies program through a prestigious university or head to Egypt for an entire semester to study Arabic. I'm a little different than my peers and my life will never be average as a result, but I love that.

So here goes nothing....in the posts that lie after this will be my story, my thoughts, and my observations as I begin to travel the world.....