As usual, life has been crazy, but a good kind of crazy. I'm thrilled not to have the same pressure I had last semester with my thesis hanging over my head, and was relieved to get an A on that sucker =) Now its all about work, work, work....but I'm actually enjoying it. The law firm is laid back as always, and although I'm not the biggest fan of the whole being stuck-in-an-office-for-eight-hours-a-day thing, my coworkers keep it interesting and my boss cracks me up on a regular basis. I'm also being given more interesting tasks and learning a bit more, which is always good. To top it off, I've been researching/fact checking for my good friend Simon, a brilliant man in the process of writing a book, and was recently pulled on as his scheduling assistant as well. As most of you know, I'm an organizational nut, and Simon is rather the opposite of that, so it makes me feel great to really be needed and to be working with someone with such an amazing message. His blog can be found here, and I definitely encourage you to check him out. He inspires me on a regular basis and I try to get his ideas out to as many people I know as possible. I'm also excited to be getting him to speak on campus toward the end of March, which should be fantastic!

So besides work, I've been making a serious effort to get my health up to the point I think it should be. Not only do I feel better working out and eating well, but I know this is going to be an integral part of my future. I've made the decision to pursue a position with the UN, particularly UNRWA in Gaza, as much as I possibly can, and with that (and also with my big backpacking trip still coming up) I need to make sure I'm in the best shape possible. Being in shape will only help me have more energy and definitely help me in the field. I really want to get involved in humanitarian work while I can, and am desperate to get to Gaza and help rebuild. I have been following the situation so closely that this feeling grows in me daily and I've been getting a rather big push from my mentor at SHU as well.

In line with my renewed thoughts on my career path has been my stagnant dating life....which I have purposely done. 1) I don't have time 2) I don't have the energy 3) Most of the men I meet don't deserve the time of day or can't handle my drive and 4) Why bother when I'm probably off somewhere crazy soon anyway? I don't want ANYTHING holding me back from doing this now while I'm young and have no obligations or serious attachments. The time for me to go off and explore and be adventurous and help people in a humanitarian capacity on the ground is now, and I can't let anything stop me....including some silly boy.

I'm almost desperate for the opportunity to get back to the Middle East and do some serious work. I get this surge of excitement everytime I even think of it and am overcome by this incredible and satisfying feeling. Now I just need to get there. So, insha'allah, I can figure out the best way to get in and do something worthwhile, and learn more Arabic. From there its either grad school or a similar position on a different level. I just need to keep taking steps forward and get the process moving so that this dream becomes a reality. Luckily, I have some incredible resources as my fingertips. Here goes nothing....

I'm struggling right now. I'm absolutely torn. I have been saying all I wanted to do after graduation was humanitarian work, and I've felt that pull now more than ever before with everything going on in Gaza. Seeing the horrifying images come up on my screen daily has brought me to tears and made me think of the little children who followed us around Dheisheh refugee camp in the West Bank in November 07. Kids just like them are dying every day as my tax dollars drop on Gaza and fly from guns on the shoulders of more kids....yes, the IDF is mostly children....most of them are barely 18 for God's sake!

So all I can think about is going back. Back to the Middle East. To help. In any way. Then I have the pull. To what I keep calling "the dark side" or the opportunity to "sell my soul." I mean, it is by no means that dramatic, but my resume has been passed along to a big company, and there's an interest. God only knows if that means I even have a shot in hell at a position, but still, its on my mind. Do I go and work for "the man"....in the energy field? It could be rather lucrative and could be rewarding in a different way and could even give me some amazing opportunities, but which direction should I be going?

My mom, the voice of reason as always, keeps telling me to just see what happens, since I really know nothing yet, but I can't help but to think. This is me we're talking about here....Miss Over-Analyze Everything. Where do you find the balance? How do you know what path to take when you're seriously torn? I honestly hope that somehow fate steps in and takes control because if given the choice, I know I'm going to find it difficult coming right out of college with nothing.

I got a call this evening after I got home from work from a very much voiceless Abraham, the owner of the Middle Eastern restaurant around the corner from me. I met him over the summer and we instantly struck up a conversation about the Middle East and Palestine since he's Palestinian. Since then, he has taken me under his wing, always providing me with wonderful food, and great conversation and recently I also met his lovely son. They are just genuinely good people. A wonderful family.

Apparently Abraham's son had seen me at the rally (which they had both attended as well) and he wanted to thank me for supporting the cause. So I ran over to Ali Baba's and was greeted with a big hug and smiles. He was so proud of me for coming to the rally yesterday, and it felt great that my presence mattered to someone. We of course, continued to talk about the conflict and how heartbreaking it all is, and how Americans just don't seem to understand what is really going on. His wife and daughter are over there right now (not in Gaza thank God) and he's going to meet them in a week. He keeps telling me how he doesn't know how he'll face the Israelis when he lands in Tel Aviv, and quite honestly, I don't know if I could right now either. Although, truth be told, I'm finding it hard to stomach American complacency as well.

What's going on in Gaza horrifies me more and more every day and depresses me to no end because I feel completely helpless. My tax dollars continue to rain down on Gaza and innocent people continue to die and be injured and there aren't enough voices in the governments to make it stop. I, by no means, condone what Hamas has been doing and believe they have contributed to making the situation worse for the Gazans, but Israel's response is so unbelieveably disproportionate its disgusting. Dropping 100 tons of bombs on a 225 sq mile area of 1.5 million people (the most densely populated place on the planet) and claiming they're being strategic is ludacris. There is no possible way to be strategic given those circumstances, and they claim Hamas is hiding behind innocents, but really, there is nowhere else for them to go! There are so many lies in the reporting and I'm slowly finding out why....the press is being barred from Gaza. It just makes me wonder what they're really trying to do. Is this the ultra Zionists attempt at taking Gaza completely? Is this an ethnic cleansing? A genocide? I see it all slowly undfolding and those are the questions that come straight into my mind.

And as I continue to watch the heartbreaking images come up on my screan and read the words of those who are facing this head on, pieces of me slowly die, and I wonder what has happened to humanity. I don't think we could or maybe even should all be holding hands and singing Kumbaya, but I do think that if we would all stop for a moment, and remember that the people standing next to us are human beings too. That they have families and friends and loved ones and hearts and brains and lives and futures too, then maybe, just maybe things could calm down....even just a little.

Today, I participated in the first protest I've ever been to and I could not be more proud of myself and the 1000+ people who were alongside me. **edit: we were 3000 strong today according to the news** We were rallying for human rights. For the humane treatment of the Palestinians. For the bombs to stop falling on Gaza. For peace. For freedom. For solidarity behind a worthy cause. I was blown away, by the way people came together. It was, of course, mostly Arabs and Muslims, but then there were the rest of us, the Americans, the Jews, the Christians.....we all rallied together to stop the violence. To stop the bloodshed. I couldn't help, but to think that we won't have much of an effect on the overall conflict, but by marching down 5th Avenue screaming "While you're shopping, bombs are dropping!!" we got people's attention. They paid attention and they stopped and they may have thought, even for just a second, about what's going on, and to me, that is an enormous victory.

I am absolutely dying inside and I have no other appropriate outlet so here goes nothing....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7800985.stm

Today, Israel massively bombed the Gaza Strip. Just days after re-opening the border and giving the Gazans false hope that things might be ok. Hamas did continue rocket attacks, and for that, they should be condemned. This time they even killed two Palestinians. But retaliating with massive airstrikes will only embolden them and give credence to their cause. 1.5 million people....ONE POINT FIVE MILLION PEOPLE are starving and slowly dying as they have been cut off from the world, living in the most densely populated area on the planet, in conditions every humanitarian organization has said are utterly unbearable. When you do this to an entire population, they will find a way to fight back, and Gaza turned to Hamas and rockets.

For Israel to think that it is acceptable to bomb Gaza in the manner they are, going after "strategic" targets is insanity. There is nothing "strategic" about it. These people live on top of each other, and every "strategic" target is in the midst of the civilian population. The U.S. is calling on Israel to "minimize civilian casualties as it pursues Hamas" but they can't. It is impossible and the results are horrifying. Refugee camps being bombed....REFUGEE CAMPS....people who were ALREADY displaced and being further displaced. Children are heart. Women are dying. The pictures on the ground tell the truth and the voices of those suffering cannot go unheard this time. I would not, in the least, be surprised to see a Third Intafada erupt out of this, or even worse, retaliation by the Arab states. This is the WORST thing Israel could have done for the peace process because just like so many of the innocent men, women, and children of Gaza, Israel has killed it.


Palestine
The Sound of Reason

Close my eyes tonight
My conscience by my side
It’s hard to live this life
Where truth begins with lies

So I won’t sleep… I will stay awake
Cause if I dream… they will/then they’ll take their claim
Oh I try… oh I try to fight
To stay awake tonight
Palestine, Palestine, Palestine… always on my mind

Truth is where desire ends
A meaning to an end
I search myself all the time
To change what’s in my mind

So I won’t sleep… I will stay awake
Cause if I dream… they will/then they’ll take their claim
Oh I try… oh I try to fight
To stay awake tonight
Palestine, Palestine, Palestine… always on my mind

I can’t find peace cause it’s hard to release what we’ve done
What we could be if we’d only see what we’ve become
It’s unbelievable it’s undeniable ohhhh!
I want free, won’t sleep, won’t dream, won’t eat, won’t breathe
Won’t give in to what’s building inside of me

(Guitar solo)

Close my eyes tonight
My conscience by my side

I'm on a slight blogging frenzy and I think its because I have no clue what to do with myself now that I don't have to worry about papers and exams and everything school related. I should probably be applying for jobs, but my thought right now is what's the point? There's not much out there to begin with and I can't take anything until May, so I'm going to be putting it off a bit longer. I should also be getting my finances in order since I've accrued a pile of paid bills, paycheck stubs, and bank statements in a drawer, which have been completely ignored and are horribly disorganized. At least I know I'm not broke, in debt, or anything like that. =)

Today I think my plan is to take "work" ie Simon's book, which I'm fact-checking, and sit at Starbucks or something and read for awhile. Either that or I'll do my own pleasure reading, which would begin to put a dent in the pile of books I've got as well. Either way, my brain needs to function because right now it feels like a pile of mashed potatoes. Hi, my name is Julia Hurley and I am an overachiever. I feel like I belong in AA for college students/overachievers. I check my grades daily waiting for something more and so far, nada. I did, of course, get my A in Politics of Terror in the Middle East with Ambassador Hassan, but that was kind of a given, especially since I got a 99/100 on my paper on the changing dynamic of Hezbollah, with the comment "An excellent analysis. You have got the parameters exactly right! I hope the Obama administration employs you!" .....oh wishful thinking.....

So, here I sit, slowly getting myself ready after waking up at 7:30 am on a Saturday over my break, and eventually, I'll decide to be uber productive. I'm hoping to go out in the city tonight too since Zach is back in town and so is Miles.....they did this to me last weekend too, but unfortunately all I was doing was my thesis, so this weekend, its time for some fun. I've also had another dude bite the dust in his own flakey way (what else is new?), so I want to be my old flirtacious self again (without being stressed about school) and bring my spirits up a tad. The funny thing is, with that, I don't want to be tied down right now, I know my life is too chaotic for that....but it still kinda irks me when some guy I've been semi-interested in just stops calling or whatever. As a girl, I still kinda question what I did wrong and whether or not I'm actually going to find someone worth my time and effort. I guess I will eventually. Until then....fun!!

And I guess das ist alles.....not much else to say....I may throw some political commentary up here shortly, but until then, how about my favorite video floating on youtube these days....




P.S. The blog title was brought to you by the song in that video, but with lyrics Rumspringa - Minds Awake....fantabulous :)

An update from the homefront over here....or shall I say Winter Wonderland. We're in the midst of a small snowstorm, and now that I'm home, I'm kind of enjoying it. I was definitely nervous about making it back from the office once I got to Hoboken since then I have to rely on either the bus and a few blocks of walking or the cabs. I opted for the cab and was impressed the guy didn't wreck on the way home, so he got a little extra tip. Anyway, here I am, safe and sound, glad to have the rest of the afternoon/evening to get some stuff done, since that hasn't been a possibility in almost a month now, and take a conference call, so life is good.

I did want to share a BBC article I came across yesterday that pretty much had me dying laughing because of a post I wrote on her MONTHS ago.....rather similar. It had to do with the whole idea of romantic comedies ruining love lives because people have unrealistic expectations. My post referenced fairytales, but same basic thing. So, for all of my lovely ladies reading this....here's my old post....and here's the BBC article....its now scientifically proven....ha!....enjoy....

Films like Four Weddings and a Funeral could promote unrealistic expectations

Watching romantic comedies can spoil your love life, a study by a university in Edinburgh has claimed.

Rom-coms have been blamed by relationship experts at Heriot Watt University for promoting unrealistic expectations when it comes to love.

They found fans of films such as Runaway Bride and Notting Hill often fail to communicate with their partner.

Many held the view if someone is meant to be with you, then they should know what you want without you telling them.

Psychologists at the family and personal relationships laboratory at the university studied 40 top box office hits between 1995 and 2005, and identified common themes which they believed were unrealistic.

The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we realise Dr Bjarne Holmes Heriot Watt University

The movies included You've Got Mail, Maid In Manhattan, The Wedding Planner and While You Were Sleeping.

The university's Dr Bjarne Holmes said: "Marriage counsellors often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it.

"We now have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas in people's minds.

"The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we realise."

As part of the project, 100 student volunteers were asked to watch the 2001 romantic comedy Serendipity, while a further 100 watched a David Lynch drama.

Students watching the romantic film were later found to be more likely to believe in fate and destiny. A further study found that fans of romantic comedies had a stronger belief in predestined love.

Kimberly Johnson, who also worked on the study, said: "Films do capture the excitement of new relationships but they also wrongly suggest that trust and committed love exist from the moment people meet, whereas these are qualities that normally take years to develop."

The researchers have now launched an online study on media and relationships.

They are asking people to participate by answering questions about personality, relationships, and media consumption habits by filling in a questionnaire which you can click on here